Divorce Makes Us Stronger
Divorce Makes Us Stronger
My friends call me the "Divorce Poster Child".At the age of 20 I was married, and by 22 I had our first child. My husband was away at work every weekday, so it was just myself and the baby, from seven in the morning, until five thirty in the evening, every weekday. Eventually, my husband and I found ourselves with three children, and we were now both working in the same industry. We worked for his company, and he was still away at work every day, while I managed to work from home while taking care of the house and the kids.We worked apart for all of our marriage, and we got to the point where, when we were together, we had very little to talk about besides the kids, and work. Eventually, there was even less to talk about, because it would seem that my ex-husband to be, was getting more and more distant. I sensed the distance, sat him down and said, "If you're feeling like you want to be a single man, don't go behind my back and sneak around because you want to be with someone else. Don't make me do all of the detective work that I see those poor women on T.V. having to do before finding out that their husbands are cheating on them. If that's what you want, then go. Let's cut our losses now, and do it amicably." To which he replied, "I would NEVER do that! I don't want to be single. I love you guys. What would make you say that??"Apparently, at about that time, my soon to be ex-husband was slowly developing younger woman syndrome, and eventually decided that he would rather be a single man. So, to make a very long story, somewhat shorter, I wasn't about to leave the home that I raised my children in, so he left (That's the Coles' notes version.)We've been divorced for four and a half years now. I went through many phases. The first was definitely blinding anger, followed closely (actually overlapped) by betrayal, which came before overwhelming sadness and feelings of failure, which were replaced by apprehension. Apprehension stepped aside to welcome self-pity. Major self pity. Self-pity was quickly replaced by revenge. I went on a spending spree, maxxing out his credit card twice. Each stage came with its own set of ups and downs.I've learned so many things about myself because of my divorce. I have acquaintances who are going through the same things right now, who ask me for advice, and it surprises me to hear them say that they're having the same feelings and thoughts that I had in the various stages of this journey. There were times when I thought that I was going insane. But we all go through these phases. I found that mine were therapeutic, and educational. I learned that I'm much stronger than I thought I was. I learned this when apprehension came to visit me. I learned that I have a lot more patience than I ever thought I could have. I learned that I CAN be the bigger person. I learned that as long as I take care of myself, my children do wonderfully. "The ex" is a regular visitor in our children's lives. We're not best friends, but I'm okay with that. We get along well enough, and once I grasped the lesson that what he did wasn't about me, my life improved dramatically. It was his mess. It was his mental and emotional mess. There was nothing wrong with me.I'm happy with my life, and with who I am at the end of the divorce process. I'm running my own business, and for the first time in my life I'm in complete control of every aspect of my life. If I want to eat Frosted Flakes for breakfast, lunch and dinner, I will without having anyone berate me for it. If I want to spend an outrageous amount of money on a pair of amazing shoes, I will (Mr. Visa loves me).My divorce actually made me stronger. It gave me the strength to be the person that I am supposed to be. All's wonderful in my world. I proudly bear the title "Divorce Poster Child". I think I just might put that on a tee shirt.Debbie Burgin is a Vancouver handbag designer, and mother of 3, who started and runs the successful handbag line at http://www.debbieburgin.com as a result of her divorce.
Creativity And You
Creativity And You
95 percent of what we know about the brain, we have learned in the last 20 years. So, your beliefs about creativity were probably shaped by faulty information.For instance, many believe that only special, talented people are creative ? and you have to be born that way.Wrong.The notion that geniuses such as Shakespeare, Picasso and Mozart were `gifted' is a myth, according to a recent study at Exeter University. Researchers examined outstanding performances in the arts, mathematics and sports, to find out if "the widespread belief that to reach high levels of ability a person must possess an innate potential called
talent."This particular study concludes that excellence is determined by five key elements:
opportunities
encouragement
training
motivation
practice (this one, most of all)
The research also indicates that few showed early signs of promise prior to parental encouragement, and no one reached high levels of achievement in their field without devoting thousands of hours of serious training. Consider Mozart who trained for 16 years before he produced an cknowledged
masterwork.Let me tell you a few more interesting facts about creativity:- Research shows that everyone has creative abilities. The more training you have and the more diverse the training,the greater is your potential for creative output.- Additionally, it has been shown that in creativity quantity equals quality. In fact, the longer the list of ideas, the higher the quality of the final solution. Typically, the highest quality ideas appear at the end of the list.- The average adult thinks of three to six alternatives for any given situation. The average child thinks of 60.- Creativity is an individual process. Traditional brainstorming has been proven ineffective because of fear of social disapproval.- Groups are best for idea selection rather than idea generation.All of this is interesting and enlightening but doesn't necessarily get to the root of the issue of creativity. I think there is one element even more important than the five mentioned above. Let me tell you a true story to illustrate what I think the prime factor in creativity is.A New York publisher was concerned about the lack of creativity among his editorial and marketing staff. He hired psychologists to try to determine what differentiated the creative employees from the others. After a year of study, the psychologists discovered that there was only one difference between creative and non-creative employees: belief in their creativity. Creative employees believed they were creative, and the non-creative ones believed they were not.So, you are creative, I guarantee it. All you have to do is believe me. Is that too much to ask?Harry Hoover is managing principal of Hoover ink PR, http://www.hoover-ink.com. He has 26 years of experience in crafting and delivering bottom line messages that ensure success for serious businesses like Brent Dees Financial Planning, Duke Energy, Levolor, New World Mortgage, North Carolina Tourism, VELUX and Verbatim.
Health Concerns for Goldfish
Health Concerns for Goldfish
Most of the diseases that threaten goldfish can be cured. But better still these diseases can be prevented. While you should be alert to symptoms of a sick goldfish, you should first of all try and prevent them from happening. Some of the common diseases that you must protect your Goldfish include:IchtyopthiriusSimply called as Ick, this is the most common disease that strikes down goldfish. Ick is a parasite that attaches to the goldfish body.
Causes: This happens when the undue stress is put on the goldfish due to bad water conditions, fluctuations in the temperature and an overall poor quality of maintenance. 49Symptoms: Look for small white spots that look like salt grain on the goldfish's skin, fins and gills.What happens: This parasite attached to the goldfish when it is stressed out due to bad conditions and feed off the body of the fish. The conditions worsen when the Ick begins to lay its eggs and reproduces at a very fast pace.Treatment: If your goldfish is a victim of Ick, treat him or her with an anti-parasite medication. Also you might have to raise the water temperature to make this medication more effective. Ask an expert and follow instructions.How can you prevent it: You can prevent Ick from growing by making sure that you maintain the tank well with the weekly changes and keep the water fresh and pollution-free.Fin RotAnother common problem that goldfish suffer from is fin rot when it looks as if parts of the fish's fins and tails are wasting away.Causes: This is also a bacterial infection arising out of poor water conditions. Fin rot usually happens to a fish that is already suffering from something else like an injury caused by tank bites that bite. They are already weak and fall prey to this infection.Symptom: Watch out for frayed, rotting, often pale pinky-white edged fins and blood streaks on the fin tissue.What happens: The already stressed goldfish is infected by this bacterial infection and the fins begin to rot away. Sometimes fungus attacks cause the condition to worsen.Treatment: You will need to treat your Goldfish with fin rot or anti-bacteria treatment to stop the disease from spreading. Try adding salt to the tank to make up for the salt that the fish has lost. Make sure that the water is pollution-free.How to prevent it: You can prevent fin rot by making sure that the water quality is of high quality and see that you maintain it. Also it would be wise to isolate the fish that are biting their tank mates.FungusThis is yet another bacterial infection that infects the already injured and weak goldfish that are stressed out from poor quality water. However do not confuse it with the cotton-wool disease.Causes: Fungus is caused by the Saprolegnia and Achlya bacteria that flourish in badly maintained tanks and attack the wounds of the goldfish.
Symptoms: If you see fluffy growths on the damaged wounds either on the skin or the fins of your goldfish, it's fungus.What happens: Fungus generally manifest in injuries and wounds left by ulcers and parasites and can be very damaging to the fish.Treatment: You would need to use standard anti-fungal medications like the pretty effective methylene blue, which might however damage the water quality. You can also use aquarium salt at a dose of 1-3g/litre.How to prevent it: Improve water conditions because fungus never grows in a well-maintained tank with good quality water.ConstipationThis is bound to happen to your glutton goldfish at some point or the other. Their body structure is such that they can't take in too much food but their nature is such that they can't stop eating!Causes: Overeating and foods high in fat can cause a goldfish to get compacted Symptoms: Your goldfish might look a little bloated and isn't as active.What happens: Due to their structure and overeating goldfish are compacted and this causes a problem with their ability to eat as well as digest the food they eat.Treatment: Try giving them boiled and softened peas, which act as a mild laxative.How to prevent it: Make sure that your goldfish get green foods and do not give them too much protein or too much fat.DropsyDropsy is another bacterial infection that infects the fish within its body causing the scales to stick out. It is dangerous and often the fish die.
Causes: Dropsy is brought on by, again, water quality that has a very high ammonia and nitrite content.Symptoms: Be alert for signs of body swelling and scales that seem to poke out. Sometimes even the eyes seem to bulge out.What happens: Dropsy causes the fish to retain fluid and swell up. Swelling of the body cavity due to a build-up of fluid. Scales become raised giving a pinecone-like appearance. One or both of the eyes may be protruded.
Treatment: Dropsy is pretty fatal and hard to cure. Your best bet is a broad-spectrum anti- bacteria treatment. You could add salt to prevent salt loss.How to prevent it: You must make sure that the water in your tank is of good quality. Test the water from time to time.Pop EyeAs the name suggests, this disease causes the eyes of the fish to pop out. It is often a symptom of impending.Causes: Once again it is an infection brought on by badly maintained tanks an unhealthy water conditions.Symptoms: Your goldfish will have eyes that protrude and kind of stick out of the eye sockets.What happens: This pop eye is a sign of fluid retention that may lead to full fledged dropsy.Treatment: Start with an antibacterial treatment and add salt to the aquarium.How to prevent it: Keep the water of high quality. Maintain the tank with regular weekly water changes.Cloudy eyeThis is when the eyes of your goldfish seem as an opaque lining covered them.Caused: It is caused by poor water quality, lack of vitamins, an unhealthy diet, and eye flukes like Diplostomum, corneal damage, and bacterial infection.Symptoms: Your goldfish will seem to have an eye that looks cloudy and opaque rather than bright and clear.What happens: The Goldfish's eyes might have mucus on the outer surface and the goldfish probably cannot see as well as he or she should, leading to a slowdown in the activities.Treatment: You must immediately improve water conditions, add salt and take care that you give your goldfish some vitamin supplements.How to prevent it: Try and ensure high quality water conditions, stick to a healthy, balanced good quality food that contains added vitamins.Swim Bladder DisorderMore than a disease, Swim bladder disorder is a problem affecting some goldfish varieties genetically. Egg-shaped fancy goldfish seem to have this disorder more than the others. It has to do with floating and the goldfish are either sinkers or floaters.Causes: Apart from genetic issues like physical deformities, high levels of nitrates in the water as well as not soaking the food before feeds that causes gas bring on swim bladder disorder. Bad water quality adds to the problem.Symptoms: Your goldfish seems to be unable to either swim to the top or swim down to the bottom of the tankWhat happens: Your goldfish have difficulty swimming to the surface, or to the lower levels of the tank. They also do not eat well due to gas and the bad quality water reduces their oxygen supply.Treatment: Do improve the water conditions and give them Daphnia, which acts as a laxative. Think of an appropriate diet change and treat the fish with an anti-bacteria treatment. Fancy goldfish with physical deformities won't improve.How to prevent it: Ensure high quality water conditions and do take care to soak the food, whether pellets or flakes, before you give it to the goldfish. Reduce the dried food that you might give.Dane Stanton - www.goldfish-secrets.comDane Stanton is an expert on goldfish health care. To visit his website visit http://www.goldfish-secrets.com for more information on Goldfish care and other aquarium related topics.
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