When a nuclear family separates, it usually separates into a "custodial" family and a "non-custodial" family. The custodial family is the parent with whom the children reside on a day-to-day basis. Most often, it's the Mother. The non-custodial family is the other parent - usually Dad - and the children when they are with him.Dad usually gets "visitation" with his children. Some states refer to it as "parenting time," recognizing that he maintains his status as parent, but still distinguishing that his time with his children is regulated.
For families which - prior to the separation - had Dad in the home, seeing the children every day, interacting with the kids on a regular basis, probably the single most traumatic event is when the kids realize that they won't see Dad every day. The single most on-going trauma occurs to kids when the visitation schedule is interfered with by Mom.Now, this does not occur in every case, but it happens often enough. "Standard" visitation is alternating weekends and one evening per week. This is imposed because Moms, courts, and experts put forth that more frequent visitation is "disruptive" to the children and that kids should not be "bounced back and forth."For kids that have gone from seeing Dad 30 times a month to 8 times a month, there IS nothing more disruptive! For kids that have gone from learning from, and being loved on a daily basis, by TWO parents to the sole CONTROL of one parent, there is NO bouncing that is more disruptive.
If Dad is denied ONE weekend, his time with his children is reduced by 25%. Somehow, THAT disruption is never considered. Also never considered is the REAL disruption that occurs on the "one night per week": kids get bundled up, travel with Dad, get unbundled, eat dinner, maybe do homework, get bundled up again, travel back, get unbundled at Mom's house, and get ready for bed. Doesn't it make more sense to stay OVERNIGHT with Dad on this visit?Where the children had Dad in the house on a daily basis, Courts need to consider schedules that provide the kids with more regular visit - daily after school, or every other day, or more mid-week overnight visitations. Kids who do not see their father are more likely to be abused by a boyfriend or step-father, abuse drugs,or engage in criminal activity. Frequent visitation may be one way to stem this terrible tide.
http://onestop.easystorecreator.netErik Carter is an experienced family law litigator. He has created a website to help non-custodial fathers at http://onestop.easystorecreator.net
He has also written two books:
"Aggressive Pleadings For The Non-Custodial Father" http://dadspleadings.easystorecreator.net
and "Six Temptations Of Jesus Christ"
http://www.knowledge-download.com/Six_Temptations

Raleigh, NC-The largest divorce firm in the state, Rosen Law Firm, says they're not surprised by the sharp increase among Army divorce rates and that more needs to be done to counsel the spouses left at home and those deployed overseas."There's a huge difference between typical divorces that we see on a daily basis and the military divorces that we're seeing," says Janet Fritts, a divorce attorney with Rosen Law Firm. "The majority of civilian couples we deal with have stopped communicating somewhere during the marriage, but military couples have been communicating in more ways than ever before."Divorce experts say young military marriages, co-ed military units, financial decision-making, and the bureaucracy of being a military officer's spouse are just some of the factors contributing to the already established problems of spousal absence and combat stress among military families."Allocation of finances is a huge problem because so many military members have no control over their finances when they're overseas and their at-home spouses are spending the monthly checks the way they see fit, sometimes on their new love relationships," says Fritts. With deployments being more frequent and for longer periods, infidelity is another reason why the Army divorce rates have sharply increased. "A lot of times it's the women who remain on base to take care of the children and when her husband is gone for 6 months to a year, she may inevitably make new relationships with the men on the base," says Fritts.Military couples are usually far away from their families and they are not reminded of their marriage vows because they are so isolated on base or overseas. Fritts also explains the growing co-ed military units are not helping either as more military members are establishing relationships with the opposite sex during wartime.Statistics show the largest increase recently in Army divorce rates are among officers, a position which Fritts describes as having an enormous responsibility. Coupled with the weight of being an officer, the pressure of being a military officer's spouse also adds to the problem. "When they're left by themselves on the military base once their spouse deploys, a lot of spouses stop playing the game of being nice to the other military officer's spouses," Fritts explains. "Once the deployed spouse returns there's a lot of disagreement on the roles played and the bureaucracy of military officers and their spouses."Rosen Law Firm
4101 Lake Boone Trail, Suite 500
Raleigh, NC 27607
www.rosen.com
"Divorce is Different Here"With offices in Raleigh, Charlotte, and now Chapel Hill/Durham, Rosen Law Firm is the largest divorce firm in North Carolina. Founded in 1990, the firm is dedicated to providing individual growth and support to couples seeking divorce by helping them move forward with their lives. Our staff of attorneys, accountants, and specially trained divorce coaches expertly address the complex issues of ending a marriage. Our innovative approach acknowledges that divorce is so much more than just a legal matter. Specialties include child custody, alimony, property distribution, separation agreements, and domestic violence relief.For more information on Rosen Law Firm, or for an interview, please contact: Alison Kramer, Director of Public Relations, Office: 919-256-1542, Cell: 919-523-7104, akramer@rosen.com, http://www.rosen.com

Marriage is a very solemn and serious chapter on any person's life. However, due to personal reasons, a couple may decide to call everything off and file a divorce. Divorce, or dissolution, as it is increasingly becoming known, is a process that legally terminates a marriage no longer considered viable by one or both of the spouses, and that permits both to remarry. All options for reconciliation are taken before a decision is made to go to a divorce attorney. But when everything fails, the divorce attorney takes over and the legal process of divorce takes place.How is divorce different than annulment? As any divorce attorney will explain, annulment voids the supposed marriage. This means there is not marriage to begin with. A voidable marriage occurs when some defect exists in the contractual agreement in which all marriages originate, as defined by a divorce attorney. These include marriages of the underage or the insane, or a marriage procured by fraud. Sexual impotency existing at the time of marriage also gives grounds for annulment according to any divorce attorney.Divorce, however, recognizes the existence of the marriage and dissolves it on the given grounds, which are contested by the divorce attorney. Grounds for divorce are adultery, unreasonable behavior, or a lengthy time apart. Once the case is file, it is the divorce attorney's job to confirm the complaint and proceed to the divorce court hearing.What takes up most of the time of a divorce attorney is the distribution of conjugal property. In "community property" states, the courts recognize both spouses as owning a 50 percent interest in any assets acquired during the marriage (except for items obtained as gifts or inheritance.), which will need to be divided between the two persons and enforced by the divorce attorney. Likewise, debts are the responsibility of both parties. In a divorce action one spouse, usually the wife, may be granted alimony or maintenance payments generally for a limited period of time. Often a court will order the transfer of property, such as the matrimonial home, from one party to the other on divorce; this is particularly common where there are children from the marriage who are of school age. The custody of any children may be awarded to either spouse, with an arrangement made for visiting rights and support of the children by the divorce attorney. At present, joint-custody arrangements are being worked out more and more frequently by divorcing parents rather than in a court and the divorce attorney.During all of this process, the divorce attorney becomes the legal representative of the husband or wife in court. All meetings or agreements should be made with their divorce attorney present at all times. This lessens the possibility of violence, especially when the grounds of the divorce are adultery. The divorce attorney keeps the parties civilized and help quicken the process even more. The divorce attorney should not be seen as the villain during such procedures because it is their job to work as mediators.A divorce attorney's work is not done until the assets and liabilities of both parties have been resolved. This includes overseeing the enforcement of the court's ruling on the division of assets, visiting rights and custody for the children. With the time spent on each case, a divorce attorney must maintain composure despite his or her views on marriage. There is a possibility that a divorce attorney can lose his or her faith in the institution of marriage after a while.More Legal information about divorce attorney please goto the following website.

According to the Center for Disease Control's National Vital Statistics Report of 2002, 50% of first marriages ended in divorce and 60% of remarriages end in divorce. But, the Center for Disease Control also found that 96% of Americans express a personal desire for marriage, and almost three-quarters of Americans believe marriage is a life long commitment. I imagine that there are somewhat similar statistics worldwide.With these kinds of statistics, its easy to see how complex it can be when people think they want a divorce, they have difficulty identifying how a truly viable divorce reason might be defined. Wanting happiness through marriage and wrestling with what may seem an inevitable outcome (a divorce), can be emotionally and mentally challenging. After all, it is human nature to want to feel nurtured and secure, no matter where you live!So, if you're thinking about getting a divorce, what are truly valid reasons for actually getting a divorce?Each government has different laws defining the difference between 'fault' and 'no-fault' divorce reasons that have enough merit that allow for the divorce to be granted. While it makes sense for you to keep this in mind when deciding whether or not to get a divorce because there may be financial considerations to think of, you should first focus on defining your own emotional or "personal" divorce reasons, regardless of what the local governing body says.If you ask 100 people how they define viable reasons for wanting a divorce, you'll most likely get 100 different answers because they'll answer you from their perspective, not yours. Sure, there may be similarities to the way you feel in some of those answers about 'real' divorce reasons, you may even agree with some. But, the real answers to this question can only come from you. You have to figure out what reason or reasons would be viable in your mind in order to actually go through your decision about getting a divorce or staying married.Some reasons that people give for getting a divorce, or wanting a divorce, are purely selfish and have no substance. An example of a reason for wanting a divorce that has no substance is not liking the fact that your spouse has constant unfounded jealousy. There is a deeper problem that exists here, and in the case of this example, it could be that the spouse who constantly feels jealousy has a confidence problem or some sort of 'fear of loss'. Whatever the case, the divorce reason in this example clearly isn't viable and should relatively easy to fix.Often times when people give 'surface' or flimsy reasons for wanting a divorce, they really have much deeper feelings about something and they're just using the shallow divorce reason as an avoidance of some kind. Or, they give these 'foundation-less' reasons for wanting a divorce because they actually aren't aware that there are other deeper rooted reasons that are the cause of the way they feel now.Common reasons that cause people to think about or want to get a divorce:*Couple has conflicting personal beliefs
*Couple's marital satisfaction decreases
*Desertion
*Adultery
*Cruel treatment
*Bigamy
*Imprisonment
*Spousal Indignities
*Institutionalization
*Irretrievable Breakdown of some kindOf course, you should add your own reasons to the list for wanting a divorce, better yet, make your own list of what may be 'valid' reasons. Solid divorce reasons for wanting or going through a divorce usually come from some sort of occurrence, behavioral pattern, and/or change in the viewpoint of the marriage itself.In order to really make a smart divorce decision, you should first list the reasons that you have for wanting a divorce, then examine those divorce reasons for true viability. Then come back to it that list in a day or so. Chances are you will be able to scratch a few of those reasons for wanting a divorce off the list because they were identified purely from an emotional viewpoint rather than logic.If you are thinking about getting a divorce, and haven't clearly identified what reasons you have for feeling the way you do, you'll be doing yourself a 'dis-service' if you act without carefully examining the viability each designated divorce reason. Everyone has their own reasons for wanting a divorce, make sure that you are certain that your reasons are truthfully viable to you before you act on them.Author of "A Practical Guide To Deciding Whether Or Not To Get A Divorce", the eBook recommended by counselors to their clients. Proven "Actions Items" to help you decide!
Deciding on Divorce
reasons for divorce

It's a well known fact that in this day and age most marriages end up in divorce. When confronted with the possibility of "throwing a relationship away", you'll probably experience a lot of stress. There are some things you can do to decide if you are in the wrong relationship and if you need to get out.I have written a few tips and guidelines to help you decide if you are making the right choice when it comes to divorce. This list is just a few key points that I think will help you. The list is not meant to be a complete list of all the steps you need to take, but will give you "food for thought".1. Is your partner/spouse abusive? If your signifigant other has abused you in the past, they probably will do so again in the future. If you are in a situation where you continue to be abused you need to GET OUT IMMEDIATELY! Abuse usually get's worse over time. Even though it may be difficult to leave, there are many resources and support systems for batered people.2. Has your partner cheated on you? For some people this is unforgiveable. If your partner has cheated on you you need to decide if you will be able to forgive them or not. Be honest with yourself. If you know in your heart of hearts that you will never be able to forgive them - you need to end the relationship.3. Does your partner make more money than you? Perhaps you would have a better life if you left. If your partner makes more money than you, chances are you'll get a nice alimony (and child support if you have kids) - when you combine that with your own salary you could have a better life. There are some secrets to getting more money from your divorce and also saving on the costs. If you want to be ruthless and get everything you can from your divorce you will have to find the right Divorce Method.4. Are you happy in the relationship? Sit back for a moment and think to yourself "Am I happy in my relationship?" If you are happy, then great! If you're not happy then you need to ask another question. Ask yourself "Can I forsee myself ever being happy in this relationship?" If you can see yourself being happy if some small changes are made, then it might be worth your effort to get marital counselling. I want to mention here that the small changes must come from inside you. You do not have the power to change anyone else (including your spouse). If can't see yourself EVER being happy you should probably get out of the relationship.5. Is there anything wrong with Divorce? This is a moral decision you need to decide for YOURSELF. When people are confronted with the possiblity of divorce, they usually think about how other people will judge them morally if they get divorced. You need to decide for yourself. Forget about what your parents, priest, minister, rabbi, friends, co-workers, etc.. think about the moral decision for divorce. Take the time to think to yourself "Based on my experiences in my life, Would it be morally 'wrong' to get divorced?" This may be a hard decision for you to make, but you need to make it. You should not do something that you believe is morally wrong. You also shouldn't be obligated to not do something that you want to do if you think it is morally acceptable.I hope these 5 points have given you some resources that you can decide if you need to get divorced or not. The decision to divorce is never easy, but you do have options. You need to be able to look at your life as whole and decide if it is good or bad. You also need to look at every possible aspect of your relationship with your spouse and see if the good outweighs the bad, or if the bad outweighs the good. Sometimes your judgement is clouded when you only focus on the good or only on the bad. The bottom line is to do what you need to do to have a more fulfilling and happy life.Good Luck in Life,Kyle ChambersAbout The AuthorKyle Chambers is a specialist at getting the most financially and mentally out of your divorce. Hundreds of people have already benefitted by little-known tricks in getting more money, custody rights, and just about everything else you want from your divorce. To get the most out of your divorce go to http://www.DivorceMethod.com

Knowing What To Do In DivorceKnowing what to do when you are faced with a divorce is often hard to figure out. But, you can and you will get through it. First, you need a qualified divorce attorney. A divorce is a messy thing and you will want someone knowledgeable to help you figure it out. Then, you need to decide on some very important situations. It can not be stressed enough the importance of having a level head and not pursuing those angry feelings. Things like money and property will have to be divided within the divorce. But, your children will also need to know that you and your partner have the best intentions for them as well even though you are facing this divorce.The statistics are high in this country for divorce. If you are one of those individuals searching for answers on how to make it through your divorce, you can find answers and divorce attorneys through many resources. Some of them are: your local yellow pages, online, through a person whom you may know who has gone through a divorce.Although divorce is a huge change and challenge within your life, it will be comforting to know that there are divorce attorney's willing to take some of the burden off you. Your divorce does not have to be hard and messy. Instead, divorce can be a beginning to the rest of your life.If you feel that you have been the victim of personal injury, then you have to take the first step and find a qualified personal injury attorney to help you. Then, take the time to learn about the personal injury itself. Knowledge is always powerful and there is no exception when it comes to personal injury.S A Baker is staff writer at http://www.thesmartattorneys.com

When making a divorce decision, there are quite a few things that you should consider. Too often people find themselves unable to clearly identify what they need to think about when making a divorce decision which leads to further indecision and frustration. When making serious divorce decisions, having an open mind and listing the things that will figure into your decision about divorce, will help make the process a little simpler for you.The things to consider when deciding about divorce varies somewhat from person to person, but here is a list of the most common items to contemplate:Divorce Decision Item 1: Making sure that you are emotionally ready to go through with a decision.Not being really ready to decide about whether to get a divorce because of emotional uncertainty will be a serious obstacle if you let your emotions cloud your ability to reason or use logic. People often fear making a tough decision and there are many reasons why people don't ever get around to actually making a divorce decision, which is often one of the toughest decisions to make in life. If you aren't ready to handle the emotional pain of what could be a "life changing" event like deciding about divorce, wait until you can before going through your divorce decision making process.Divorce Decision Item 2: Making sure that the reasons for divorce that you've listed regarding why you think you want a divorce are indeed valid.Too often people make the mistake of wanting to get a divorce (or thinking they want to get a divorce) for unviable reasons. This comes from being wrapped up with the idea of being hurt and focusing on one's self rather than separating the actual events from the end results.Yes, it is very tough to elevate your thinking and be seemingly autonomous to your own situation...in fact, it is often impossible to do. But, if you can look at your situation with someone else in your place, and then go through your divorce decision making process, you'll be closer to the real answer that you want.Divorce Decision Item 3: Understanding that your sense of self-confidence, ability to be 'self sustaining' with finances or other material things, and desire to 'start over' are all unwavering.This mix of considerations about divorce can be overpowering for some people when they try to 'break away' or make the decision about getting a divorce. Simply, these 'things to think about' intertwine and affect each other directly. Self-confidence is essential to being able to make a lucid divorce decision, and your level of self-confidence can easily be changed (for better or worse) instantly. If this is the case, you should really re-think whether you're ready to make a divorce decision and follow through with it.A lot of time, women in divorce situations have to deal with finance issues and they fear going out on their own because they've had financial support previously. Still, the fear of losing finances or material things is not gender specific by any means...men and women alike need to decide if they are ready to go through financial loss to improve their lives if they feel a divorce will do so. Logic will lead you to the fact that finances shouldn't be the only piece of your divorce decision even though it usually figures in...as to what level finances figure into your divorce decision, will depend on you and what you deem important.If your overall confidence and desire to start over with your love life support making a change, you're off to a good start in making a smart decision about whether to divorce or not.Divorce Decision Item 4: Determining who else your divorce decision will affect and how much weight that carries in your decision making formula about divorce.This item to consider when thinking about divorce is one of the primary things that can lead a person to a decision, one way or another. Even though it can have serious negative repercussions, selfless people will take into account everyone else who will be affected by a serious change like getting a divorce...it is fundamental portion of the overall process of making a smart divorce decision. Children, in-laws, common friends, etc., all will be affected by what you do regarding your action as a result of you truly answering the question, "Should I Get A Divorce?".When making your decision about staying married or getting divorced, you should look to the future and decide whether your decision will improve or decrease your quality of life and the quality of life of those that will be affected. The number one reason given by people who want to get divorced but don't go through with it, stems from the fear that others will suffer from the divorce. Be very careful when assessing this situation...make sure that you use logic and not emotion when evaluating your thoughts.Making a divorce decision is a serious and difficult task because it is complex, deeply self-reflective, and frightening due to the length of time it can affect you and others. Make sure that you have your thoughts organized and prioritized and you take your time in making a decision.Karl Augustine

"A Practical Guide To Deciding Whether Or Not To Get A Divorce"
An eBook recommended by marriage counselors and relationship coaches to their clients.
Deciding on Divorce
Divorce Decision

Divorce is difficult at the 'best' of times. Even when a couple makes a combined decision to divorce, it can be extremely trying.What happens if the decision is one sided? What happens to the party who can sometimes feel blind-sided by one person's decision that they no longer want to be a part of this union?Been there, done that. Only I wasn't the one who made the decision to leave the relationship. It was my ex-husband's decision. Okay, I helped him make the actual decision to leave (he didn't have much choice), but the result was the same. Feelings of "what's wrong with me?" are abundant.So here are some things that will help you to get your self esteem back after a divorce:1. Talk to someone.The first step to resolving those feelings is to talk to someone. Bend a familiar ear?be it biased or unbiased. Whether it's to a trusted friend, or to a counselor, getting it out verbally is a great start to regaining your sense of self.2. Be Honest.If you decide that you're going to seek help from a counselor, make sure that you tell the entire truth about what you're feeling. Be as honest as you possibly can. How can a counselor do his/her job properly, if you're not completely honest?
Regardless of what you tell a counselor, he/she is not there to judge you, merely to listen and to offer some constructive unbiased advice if necessar. Not criticism, just advice.3. Keep a Journal.Writing down what's going on in your head is also helpful, weather you choose to do that via paper journal, or online journal, both are helpful. I find that using an online journal is much easier, as I don't write nearly as quickly as I type.4. Get to know yourself again.It's typical to lose oneself during the course of a relationship. I know I did! So after my divorce, I took some time to get to know "Me" all over again. Do whatever it is that you love to do! If you enjoyed snowboarding before you were married, get back to it! If you enjoyed knitting, put aside some time to do that. Read some good books, enjoy spending time with new friends, go away for the weekend, go and be you!5. Don't let those negative feelings back in.Once you've written down feelings that aren't positive ("I hate him/her. I can't believe that he/she did this to me.") in a journal of some type, you'll notice that if you go back and re-read those bad feelings (and we all do it at least once), you're mentally and emotionally back in that place all over again. Re-reading the ugly details of my divorce for instance, used to put me in that mood all over again (I've since tossed that journal). So my advice with regard to writing down negative feelings, is to write them down, then discard them. Tear them up, burn them, whatever it takes, but don't let those negative thoughts back in.6. Meet some new people.When couples divorce, there may be a feeling amongst some of the friends of that couple who feel as though there is a need to take sides. You may find that you will need to meet new people, and take a step back from that even for a short time. Get yourself some friends that you and your ex don't have in common. My ex and I used to work in the same industry, and as a result, we shared a lot of the same business colleagues. So as soon as our relationship ended, I started my own business doing something that wasn't related in any way, shape or form to what he does for a living. I feel like a zillion bucks .7. Find new interests.The next step to rebuilding your sense of self-esteem would be to find some new interests. Find something that makes you feel good/better about yourself. Kickboxing. Kickboxing is an amazing way to get rid of certain frustrations, AND introduces you to a new sport (I brought a picture of my ex to my kickboxing class, and taped it to the heavy bag.). If you enjoy being outdoors, you might consider joining a running club, a rowing club, or anything else that allows you to be outdoors while meeting new people.8. Make peace with yourself.Understand that what happened, for whatever reason that it happened, is done. Over. Let it go. Move on. Whatever kind of bitterness that may have existed when he/she left, is going to have to get lost or it will get in the way of your true progress. I know. I did it. Get past it. How do you 'get past it'? By doing these nine steps.9. Accept the fact that things happen.No doubt about it. Bad things happen to good people, and vice versa. Stuff happens more often than it doesn't. Nothing we can do about it. Can't control it. Can't keep it from happening. Accept it. You'll feel better for it.Debbie Burgin has been divorced for 5 years. She discovered upon the exit of her ex-husband, that her divorce was actually for the best. She's discovered that post-divorce, she and her children are happier, and more relaxed in their lives. She runs two of her own businesses, http://www.warnerdigitalmedia.com, and http://www.debbieburgin.com, and counsels other divorced women to "get out there, and live life!"

Going through a divorce is a very challenging time in a person's life. It is hard to adjust to being single again, as well as living "out of the habit" of being married, especially if you have been married for many, many years.
Eventually, you begin to think about dating, but it is suggested that you take your time. Use this precious opportunity to rediscover yourself. Think of this time in your life as an adventure to explore the real you. If you have worked outside the home combined with being a mom and wife for the last ten, fifteen or twenty years, you may have lost yourself along the way. Certainly not on purpose, but as most women try to do it all as "super" moms, many times we put our own wants and needs on hold to keep our families and jobs running smoothly!
Take a deep breath and let's start to rediscover our true passions and say... Will the Real Me Please Stand Up!
1) Treasure Your Gifts WithinRealizing we are all born as "gold nuggets" is a hard concept for many women to believe about themselves. Think about how magnificent you really are! Over time, you might have forgotten your unique gifts and are only thinking of what you don't like about yourself or your life. Set a new intention, starting today, to list all of your great qualities and read that list everyday. Keep reading it until you believe it. Examples: beautiful smile, kindness, generosity, loving, caring, intelligent. keep going. Your list is endless, when you start focusing on your great qualities. Allow yourself to see the shining gold within. It's already there!
2) Give Yourself A BreakDuring and after a divorce it is common to have the feeling of grieving, similar to that of the loss of someone. Many women feel the need to stay busy to keep their minds off of this stressful time, such as working overtime or cleaning the house from top to bottom, but let this time also include pampering yourself. For example, barter with a friend or neighbor to watch your children or leave work early to give yourself this needed time. Yes, you do deserve to do something special for yourself. It can be as simple as taking a bath or a walk, going to the mall or reading a book with your favorite cup of tea. Give yourself permission - it's O.K. Remember, the happier you are, the happier your family will be!
3) No regrets! No bitterness!Holding onto regrets and bitterness will only keep your life from moving forward. Is your inner voice working overtime with all the "what ifs" and "if onlys"? This is normal for a period of time, but ask yourself.are these thoughts serving me or helping me feel better? Will thinking about them over and over again change anything? To move your life forward, it is important to acknowledge your feelings and to learn from your past experiences to prepare yourself for the next exciting chapter of your life. Yes, there is life after divorce. Learn to let it go! Just, let it go! A quote from Buddy Hackett, "I never hold a grudge because while I am being angry, the other person is out dancing."
4) Enjoy the Little ThingsLife after divorce usually means added responsibilities. If you are a single parent or are now the one responsible for the once shared to-do list, how do you handle it all without being totally stressed out? To start, learn to laugh more, especially at yourself. Learn to let things go and not take life so seriously. Lighten-up! Learn to live in the present moment. Living in the present is where all the "good stuff" in life happens. Yesterday is gone forever and tomorrow's worries are tomorrow. Think of it this way, when one is missing this moment in time, one is missing out on one's life.
So how do we live in the present? If you are feeling stressed, immediately leave your thoughts in your head and take off your blinders. (Blinders similar to what a horse would wear, not allowing it to see from side to side). Start to look around you. I mean really look around you. Look closely at everything. Really focus. Use all your senses! For example, if you are with your children observe them. Cherish their smiles. Give them a hug. See the true beauty of who they are and appreciate them for being a part of your life. You will start to feel your stress subside and a feeling of peace sweep over you. To be present, no matter where you are, use all your senses to pull you back into the moment. Take time to appreciate all the beauty that already exists around you. You only have to be present to see it!
5) What Makes Your Heart Sing?What really matters to you? What do you feel is your true purpose in life? If someone asked you that question, how would you answer them?
Why is it so important to be clear on what your life's purpose is? Knowing your purpose, will give you a true sense of who you are and why you were put on this earth. It gives your life direction and helps you make clear and easy decisions concerning that direction. It's your compass! Without a purpose, can your life be compared to a piece of driftwood? Floating endlessly in whichever direction the tide decides to take it and ending up on any beach with no will of its' own. When you live your life based on your purpose you are living in integrity with yourself and are in alignment of who you really are in all aspects of your life - body, mind and spirit. Take this time to focus on what really matters to you. Feel the true passions that exist in your heart and write them down.
6) What Are Your Vibes Saying About You?Are you familiar with the Law of Attraction? Maybe you have heard the expressions, "What you think about, you bring about" or "The more attention you give to something, the more attention it will give to you." When going through a divorce, your emotions can be compared to a roller coaster ride. Use this time to become reconnected to your inner awareness of who you are. Recognize if your feelings are low energy or high energy.
A few examples of low energy are stress, negativity, fear, resentment, or a sense of lack (lack of time or money) and high energy is joy, abundance, happy, positive, love or compassion. If you are having feelings of low energy, how do you make a shift to feel more of the high energy?
First, acknowledge and accept the feelings you are having. Be gentle with yourself! Your goal is to make a shift, but realize you might not be able to go from low to high instantly. Start with baby steps! Repeat step number three and become present! Be thankful for what is working in your life right now. Do something simple like pat your pet, smell a flower or, if you are in the office, take a minute to think of a previous fun time or experience you have had that could bring a smile to your face. Feel the shift you are starting to make in your energy.
Now, to amp up this high-energy feeling, think of another time of joy or something you were passionate about in your life. Keep adding these thoughts to your high-energy feeling and begin to feel great! Does it seem the people or situations around you have changed or is it you who has really changed? So, who has the power to feel their own joy? When you are feeling your high energy, this is the time to take your next inspired action. Enjoy the feeling of accomplishing something with ease and less effort!
7) Be True To YourselfDuring and even after a divorce, we are often filled with doubts. We question ourselves about what is right, what to do or how we feel. Should I or shouldn't I? It seems difficult to make a decision. Listen to your heart. What feels right? What doesn't feel quite right? If a situation does not feel right, honor your resistance by pausing or waiting. Sometimes waiting is the best thing to do. By waiting you may have allowed the situation to unfold more easily without having to worry! If a decision feels good or right, usually that means you are heading in the right direction. When we listen to our hearts, we are in integrity with ourselves. When we are in integrity with ourselves, we learn to say NO more easily.
Has this ever happened to you? You are asked to be on a committee or to volunteer for something and you say yes, even though you know it will make your schedule even tighter or you really don't want to or have to?
How do you stop this from happening? Next time you are in this situation and you are ready to say yes, yet, find yourself having doubts, try this . STOP! Take a breath or even take a step back (this action will prevent you from saying yes). Pause! Thank the person for thinking of you, but let them know you will have to check your calendar and get back to them. When you do have time to think about it, focus on how you are feeling. Are you excited to volunteer or do you feel some resistance? If in a day or two you are still feeling doubtful, realize the timing might not be right for you. If you are still excited, join the committee and have fun!
Divorce is not easy or fun, but you can make it through this time of your life by realizing you WILL make it! Also, honor yourself and listen to your heart! Your true purpose and passions are waiting to be rediscovered within you! When you have discovered the "gold nugget" you already are, you will start to live your life with more ease and enjoy the feeling of peace. "You are truly free!"
Copyright 2004 Joanie Winberg. All Rights Reserved.
Joanie Winberg, Certified Business/Life Coach, Certified Laughter Coach and Professional speaker, founder of Success and Life Coaching. Joanie specializes in working with groups of women after divorce and after 50+ years. She conducts women's group programs nationwide called "How To Laugh Your Way Through A Divorce and Feel More At Peace" and "How To Laugh Your Way Through The 50+ Years And Feel Younger." Joanie is also the co-founder of Seven Strategies for Success University, a licensed program providing coaches a complete step-by-step system to use with their clients. She also conducts "How To Have It All Without Doing It All" workshops throughout the Northeast for sales professionals and business owners.
Joanie comes from a retail background. She owned and operated a True Value hardware store for eighteen years. She has been a trustee of a regional bank for sixteen years and a member of the Board of Directors for four consecutive terms. For the last five years, she has been a marketing consultant and a Certified Coach assisting business owners and sales professionals to achieve higher levels of business success and to gain new direction. For additional information contact Joanie Winberg at 508-947-2750 or http://www.successandlifecoaching.com.

So, you've decided that you're no longer "a couple", but for whatever reason, you and your spouse have decided to stay together "for the sake of the children".Isn't that what the children need? Don't they need the strength of a two parent household in this mad society that we live in? Don't they need the emotional assurance that Mom AND Dad are together? Don't they? Or do they?When my ex and I decided to divorce, we decided that he should probably live in the house with the children and I, for their sakes. We weren't getting along to make things worse, as he was still doing the 'single dude' thing outside of the house, skulking in at all hours of the morning, making hushed calls from his cellular phone, etc.I thought that I was doing the best thing for the children at the time. I allowed him to stay, because I didn't want to put them through the emotional upheaval that I was sure that they would have to endure if I kicked him out.Something happened one night that changed my opinion on that whole "staying together for the kids" thing.We were having one of our usual "discussions" at about two in the morning. As usual, it got loud, and our eldest daughter woke up (she was ten at the time), came out of her room, and said, "Will you two stop it?! I can't stand it anymore!" It was like a light bulb lit up in my head, and I thought to myself, "Why are we doing this? Why are we putting these children through this nonsense? They're clearly not in the best emotional place that they could be. We're done." At which time, I went downstairs, and sat at the kitchen table. I thought long and hard about what I was doing. Why was I really allowing him to stay? Was it really for the kids? Or was it for me? Was it because of my fear of being 'alone' that I allowed my children to hear and be witnesses to things that I would prefer they not? Was it because of my fear of what kicking him out would bring on?Whatever the reason, I had to stop thinking about whatever it was that I was afraid of, and start thinking about just what his presence in the house was doing to the emotional well-being of our children. They were miserable. He had to go, and that was that.It's my job as their mother, to make absolutely certain that my children are protected, emotionally, physically and spiritually while they're under my roof. So, I stood up from that kitchen table, and walked back up those stairs. He was standing at the top of the staircase, looking straight down at me. I looked up at him and I said, "You have to go." To which he replied, "Go? Go where? Where do you expect me to go at three in the morning?" I headed back down the stairs as I said, "I don't care where you go, but you need to be out of this house tonight." He gave me the usual caveman response, "Well, if you want to try to make me go, go ahead." But I was prepared. I said to him, "We can do this one of two ways. You choose. We can do this the easy way, where you get your things, and walk out the front door on your own steam, or we can do this the hard way, where you give me flack, and I call someone who'll help you be out of here in the next 15 minutes, with or without your stuff. It's your call."So, after about two minutes, he packed what he could into a duffel bag, kissed the kids, and walked out of the front door. Our eldest daughter, closed the door behind him, and said to me as she did so, "Thank God. Now we can have some peace." Those words coming from her mouth changed my thinking forever.When you think that you're staying together "for the kids", think again. Whatever emotional upheaval you're going through in your situation, they're feeling as well. Don't think for a second that your children don't see it. They see and hear much more than we realize. I decided that I would much rather have my children in a loving, one parent household, than a dysfunctional, two parent household, in which the parents are constantly at odds with each other. Kids are all eyes, and ears. They take in a huge percentage of what they see and hear at home. My household is happy and healthy now. There's no fighting. There's no stress.I made the right decision, and my children are much happier for it.Martinis for Everyone!Debbie BurginCopyright 2005 Debbie Burgin All Rights Reserved.Debbie Burgin is a divorced mother of 3 who owns two businesses that she started post-divorce. http://www.debbieburgin.com, and http://www.warnerdigitalmedia.comRead more of Debbie's articles at http://www.debbieburgin.blogspot.com