Maybelle Misfire Joins Mega Corp
Maybelle Misfire Joins Mega Corp
To: Maybelle Misfire
From: I. M.. Power, VP
Welcome aboard! Delighted you have accepted a position as planning analyst with Mega Corp. See you in September, as they say.To: Maybelle Misfire
From: Nefarious Airlines
We are sorry to learn that Fluffy feels humiliated if her cat carrier is marked "Excess Baggage."Please remember that, in proportion to her size, Fluffy has more room in her carrier than our first class passengers enjoy in their recliner seats.
Anyway, your cats are well known in the airline world. We had to override the Hazardous Cargo Alert to allow Fluffy on board in any capacity.To: Maybelle Misfire
From: Mega Corp Human Resources
We're delighted to learn that you will be joining us for your extended leave. To move your household goods, we contracted with Organization Movers, The owner, Frankie Felon, got his start dealing questionable substances at networking parties in his MBA program. Frankie's lawyer, Big Tony, assures us Frankie has reformed.To Organization Moving
From: Maybelle Misfire
I've always wanted to develop an ad campaign on the topic, Life without Furniture (not to mention clothing, dishes or sheets), and I am deeply grateful to your company for giving me an opportunity to experience this condition while my possessions remain lost somewhere near Delaware.Since both my origin and destination are both west of the Mississippi, I'm glad my furniture will get to see something of the East Coast, even if I don't. However, my data collection is now approaching redundancy and I am ready to sleep in my own bed again.To: Maybelle Misfire
From: Organization Moving
We can authorize temporary accommodations until your furniture arrives, but we cannot force any hotel on the planet to accept Fluffy, Tabby and Furball as guests.Nor can we authorize restaurant meals for felines. We are sure Fluffy will recover from the trauma of eating off a paper plate on the floor.
Alas, we don't have a Feline Therapy Unit, but Big Tony has offered to devote some quality one-on-one time to Fluffy's morale problem.To: Customer Service, Organization Moving Corp.
From: Central Dispatch, Organization Moving Corp.Who hired Driver Tom in the first place? When the Highway Patrol asks about funny-looking plants, our drivers are supposed to declare them as household geraniums, slightly wilted from travel trauma.They are not supposed to say, "Gee, I dunno, but it sure looks like something from the sixties, don't it?"After the entire van had been unloaded and inspected at the Oklahoma border, and all the dust analyzed, Tom just started driving east and didn't stop till he saw the ocean. It's up to the PR suits to tell Maybelle Misfire what happened to her stuff.To: Maybelle Misfire
From: Customer Service, Organization Moving
We are genuinely sorry about the delay associated with delivery of your household goods. Believe me, our founders know all about life on the run.We believe you will understand when we tell you that Driver Tom, one of our most experienced and dedicated professionals, halted his truck when he spied a cat caught in a tree on a freezing cold day. (OK, it was August, but he was in the mountains.)Fortunately, ladders are standard equipment for Organization Movers. Driver Tom climbed the tree, rescued the cat and held its paw during surgery at the local veterinary hospital. After getting medical treatment for his own scratches, Tom climbed right back in his truck--but not before making sure that the cat would have a loving home with the veterinarian's assistant. We're sure you would have done the same.To: Maybelle Misfire
From: I. M. Power, VP
Welcome to your new job. For your first project, we want you to analyze the customer service of our newest client -- our own Organization Movers.Seems like they have a PR problem. Should be easy to fix.On the other hand, you may have trouble getting primary data. Customers who complain tend to have forwarding addresses like, "Lost Gulch, New Mexico."If you like feline humor, you may enjoy my ebook, Maybelle Lives! and my advice to cats who move. For serious advice about moving with cats, consult my trade book, Making the Big Move.About The AuthorCathy Goodwin, Ph.D., is an author, speaker and career/business consultant, helping midlife professionals take their First step to a Second Career. http://www.cathygoodwin.com."Ten secrets of mastering a major life change" mailto:subscribe@cathygoodwin.comContact: cathy@cathygoodwin.com 505-534-4294
Space, and the Room for It
Space, and the Room for It
Space exploration came a long way since I was the size of a measurable amount of it.I remember with some pain, my first ride on a penny farthing with its big wheel and long spokes that were well engineered to cut a foot or two off anyone's legs.With good timing though, I used my head and saved my legs.Anyway, I'm a long time looking and can see nothing in space worth a damn.What would keep it up?Some viagra from venus? I don't think so!Even if there was anything up there, who put it there? And how did they put it there? I never believed that Alien conspiracy business and often thought that a man that couldn't speak his mind, couldn't conquer much.As for an Alien being green and skinny; we've killed many things that looked like mal-formed frogs and ate the best of them!
To think that a white frog would be any more capable, is crazy. What difference would his color be to a mortal with an empty belly and color-blindness issues?Rubbish, the lot of it!As well as that, couldn't anyone make up anything about a place that we can't see? Like, above the sky for example.Bring it down, and show it to me, is what I say.Is there oil up there? I doubt it. If there was, wouldn't it come down with the rain?Gold or silver? The same goes for that.Gas? Okay, there might be gas, but in my experience it is best to leave it there or bury it as was done generations ago.Someone found a bacteria on Mars, if they did. They could have got it anywhere and its not like bacteria are known to break under interrogation. I'd say that you could get the strongest truth serum and the best you could hope for is a wet bacteria as well as an empty bottle.So, I ask you; what is up there worth a damn and who would put it there if it was?And the exploration of space might be a waste of petrol, frog after-taste pills, truth serum and re-location papers for suspicious bacteria.Thick Mick Henry is an "expert" columnist on history or back passage material, with http://www.TheTrivialTimes.com
Cheer-Leadership or All I Need to Know About Business I Learned from Cheerleading
Cheer-Leadership or All I Need to Know About Business I Learned from Cheerleading
Thanks to teen movies, many people have this stereotypical idea of cheerleaders as being ditzy and mean. However, there are a great many life-lessons that can be learned during your time on the team that have surprising application in the business world.1. Getting to the top of the pyramid means taking a few risks.
The person at the top of the pyramid is the one who is willing to take the risks, usually in the form of a backflip or a layout. It helps to be light, nimble, and flexible. Since you are the person with the farthest to fall, you have to be able to rely on the stability of the team suporting you.Fortunately, in business no one actually tosses you ten feet into the air and expects you land on your feet.Well, almost never.2. Step lightly on your way to the top.
You can't simply manipulate and coerce your way to the top of the pyramid. Well, you can, but then when it comes time to perform a trust fall, you may have a slight problem.This corollary of point number one seems to have escaped quite a few people. Some seem to think that "underlings" are meant to be stepped on, climbed over, and not-so-subtly kicked on the way up. It's one thing to accidentally land on someone's foot, but some people leave a trail of crushed clavicles and contusions. These are the same people who discover that when they are in trouble, no one will return their calls.Make sure you know the difference between who is "underneath you" and who is "holding you up" - it's a big one.3. Keep cheering loudly, even you are winning.
This is a marketing lesson if ever there was one. So you've landed the big client. Maybe you've landed several. Don't stop marketing your company and looking for new clients just because you are currently busy. Projects end, businesses change, decision-makers come and go - make sure you've got new clients lined up. It's the only way to keep your company growing, your cash flowing, and V-I-C-T- oh nevermind.4. Having the lead at halftime doesn't mean you can slack for the last half of the game.
So you were first to market with your product, or maybe you built a better mousetrap.Right now there is someone out there thinking about how they can capture your market share with a bigger, better, faster version.Besides, in business the game doesn't actually end - you might be winning at a given moment, but you never can say you've "won."(I know: that was a stretch for cheerleading. But cheerleaders need to stretch.)5. As mom used to say, "if you are going to do a backflip in a miniskirt, you'd better be wearing your best underneath."
Actually, when mom said it, I think there was a bus involved somehow, but close enough.Don't call attention to practices that you don't actually want scrutinized. Better still, don't get involved in practices that can't stand up to scrutiny. Sooner or later someone is going to examine what's behind the hype.Sometimes it's vapourware, and sometimes it's fraud. Sometimes it's just a matter of making an announcement of your latest greatest product so far in advance of it actually coming to market that the buzz comes and goes without paying off in terms of sales.Whatever the cause, get your house in order before throwing the doors open. Sooner or later, someone is going to ask that question.For more details, see: Hollinger, Enron, or Worldcom. Of course, it's best not to get mental images of Bernard Ebbers wearing a miniskirt.