Many of us allow our fear to stop us in our tracks. All it takes is a less than encouraging word, a negative facial expression, or a less than positive opinion, and we give up before we even get started. We're afraid of:
the word "no" because it means failure
the word "yes" because it means responsibility
the disapproving look because it means rejection
the whispers and grins because they mean judgment, and
the absence of support because it means abandonmentLet's look at these five catalysts to failure and how they can be overcome.Abandonment
Little James Earl was scared. His father had left the family to become a prize fighter and actor. His mother had left to earn money as a tailor. The Great Depression had stolen his family and he was about to lose the only life he had ever known.His grandparents had adopted him and now they were on their way to Michigan.Rejection
Though his life in Mississippi had been one of abandonment, it was all the 5-year-old boy had known. The move to Michigan so traumatized him he developed a stutter.His first day of school was a disaster. His stuttering made his classmates laugh at him. It was the final straw for a frightened little boy. He closed his mouth and simply quit talking? for eight years!James Earl was completely mute ? with the exception of conversations he had with himself when he was all alone. He found solace in the written word ? creating poetry to release the raging in his soul.Judgment
As is often the case, one person who saw beyond his limitations released James Earl from his self-imposed prison. That one person was an English teacher who saw talent in the silent 13-year-old. She pushed him beyond his fear by forcing him into public speaking ? insisting he recite a poem in front of the class every day.Can't you imagine his terror when he first stood in front of his classmates? What made him do it? Was it only the teacher's insistence? No. It was a deep desire to break free from his prison and speak all the things that had sat silently in his heart during all those years. He chose to feel the fear ? and then do it anyway!Failure
He stuttered. He stammered. He endured the sympathetic and scornful looks of fellow students. He endured the laughing. But he did it. He faced the fear and forced himself to speak. Day after day. Week after week. He hung onto the encouragement of the teacher who believed in him. And it worked. His stuttering became less. He learned to control his voice.Responsibility
His victories made him look for more challenges. James Earl began to take acting lessons. His early lessons in perseverance gave him the courage to push beyond the prejudices against black actors. He chose to take as many different types of roles as he could ? stretching his limitations and refusing to be pigeon-holed with any stereotypes.Beyond the Fear
James Earl Jones is now known for his deep authoritative voice. Perhaps you know him as the voice of Star War's Darth Vader or as Mufasa in the Lion King. You see him almost daily on commercials. He has starred on Broadway and been in many movies. He has been laden with Tony, Emmy and Obie Awards.People look at him today and see a confident actor with a deep, resonant voice. The next time you see him, look deeper. . .James Earl Jones' great secret to success is that he chose to push beyond his fears. He chose to change the reality of a young boy who had lived in silence for eight years. He chose to face ridicule and scorn in order to be free. I can only imagine how many years passed before he could open his mouth without being afraid of what would come out.So many of us let our fears stop us. We're afraid of how we will appear. We're afraid of what people will think. We're afraid we'll fail. And so.. . we do nothing. We exchange fear for regret.Fear will pass. Fear can be conquered. Fear will fade away in the face of determined action.Regret ? well, you'll live with that for the rest of your life.What are you afraid of? Name the fear. Choose to face it. And take action to conquer it today! You, too, can live a life of success by feeling the fear and moving beyond it.The story for this article was taken from Ginny Dye's Daily Secrets For Success. Let these daily motivational stories stir your heart, fuel your desire and propel you into action. Subscribe at http://www.DailySecretsForSuccess.com

Just in an average day we can experience many things that we take as good or bad. In this article I want to take a look at what takes a place in the human mind as it relates to our daily affairs.Internal RepresentationsEvery time something happens in our life we subconsciously make what is called an Internal Representation of the event. Now, at this point problems can occur, because we allow our Internal Representation or perception of the event to become our reality. However, what we now perceive as reality is not necessarily the reality that everyone else may have gotten from the same event. I'm sure at sometime or the other you have seen were two people experience the same events at the same time and yet come away with two totally different ways of perceiving the event.PerceptionWe have to see that when things happen to us we internally process the events which produce for us a custom perception of the event; but yet again, I remind you, this is not necessarily the event. The map is not the territory! Our internal representation or perception creates in us a positive or negative response with a corresponding State of being. Whether it is negative or positive is dependent on how a person processes the information they receive from a given event. This is important for us to remember and understand that events & information in and of it self is neither bad nor good. It is simply information that comes to us by way of our senses. All that happens can be summed up as part of the perfection of God.The Perfection of GodI know by this article being on the internet that everyone that reads this will not have the same religious belief system as I do, but I hope you will allow me to be me. When I speak of the Perfection of God my bases is found in the Holy Scriptures where it speaks of "And we know that all things work together for good that love God." An example of this can be seen in all our lives. Think back on the times that you had bad situations that seemingly became the spring boards for a great rewards;The Death of a love one that forced you to mature & become more response able or responsible.
Lose of a job that allowed you to go back to school & finish a degree, which in turn opens doors that would have otherwise remain shut.
Sadly to say, that mainly only those that believe that there is a Sovereign God and there are no accidents because everything is under his control will even be open enough to embrace the importance of this philosophical, yet Theosophical discussion. I will not even go into the debate of "why if God is in control, do bad things happen." My answer again, events & information in and of it self is neither bad nor good, it boils down to us looking at our internal representation or perception; as well as understanding that God is sovereign and has a "perfect plan." You choose your responses not the situations.Don't get me wrong, I am sensible enough to understand that there will be some surprises that will take place in your life that will catch you off guard. When it happens I'm sure you will want to write me a long letter, but before you do remember that your internal representation is maintained by our reviewing thoughts about the situation. Each time you think about a past situation you again have a choice of how you choose to process, positive or negative. The moment that you realize that the way you have processed the information about a given event has put you in a negative state, it becomes your choice whether you stay there or redefine the way you have been processing the information about the event.The reason I feel this is important enough to write about is because the quality of your life & the people closest to you are shaped by how well you process the events of your life. Why it is that one person can go through many setbacks, trials, heartaches, tragedies, and disappointments and still remain positive and encouraged about life? Perception! Then on the other hand, how is it that some people can go through what I call "nothings" and just fall apart? Perception!ConclusionIt all comes down to learning to control the way that you process information about a given event. You have to control your thoughts by constantly thinking about what you're thinking about. You have to monitor your state knowing that it has strong impact on others.The maps created in your mind are not the Territory.(c) 2005 Copyrights WilsonMediaBishop Wilson is the presiding prelate and founder of Unity Fellowship Alliance Int. The Unity Fellowship Alliance International will serve as a place of Fellowship, Training,for not only Christians, but leaders around the world.Bishop Wilson is author, Motivational Speaker, Christian Life Coach, and Personal Mentor.http://www.ufai.r8.orgSign Up for Tele Seminars with M. Christopher Wilson, @
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A balanced life not only leaves you feeling more fulfilled; you will become healthier in body as well as mind. Ponder on each step below. One per day is the ideal. If you rush then you are failing before you begin. Taking your time over anything is the first positive step to a sustainable success in all things. Anything worthwhile ? they say ? is worth waiting for. Today we cannot wait for anything ? allow your self the luxury of slowing down and discover you will actually achieve more.1. Slow down! 2. Emotions: Keep them in check. 3. Choice is yours. 4. Do not hang onto negativity: just let go. 5. Write down your goals and plan. 6. Learn to enjoy silence. 7. Discover something beautiful each and everyday on which to meditate. 8. Simplify life; offload cumbersome baggage. 9. Develop a balanced sense of humor. 10. Develop a discerning manner. 11. Do not pretend; you only fool yourself. 12. Celebrate life; no matter what the circumstances. 13. Accept you cannot control everything. 14. Only you can make you happy; and then share this with others. 15. Selfishness is like masturbation. 16. Anger serves no master; you degrade yourself in anger. 17. Find time to be alone every day. 18. Learn the art of having a quiet sense of humor.These are heading only. They have not been unpacked for you. It is for you to contemplate and think about each heading and apply it into you life. It is not difficult but will take commitment on your part. Without commitment, we should not expect results.We are a non-profit making organization ? http://www.betheladventure.co.uk for any further information on this article please see our website. We are a self help group based in Northern Tanzania.

"You can't always get what you want . . ." The Rolling Stones will soon be singing this refrain at venues around the world, as they embark on a year-long concert tour in August.This song, now decades old, addresses a universal truth. Here's the rest of the refrain:You can't always get what you want . . .
But if you try sometimes
You just might find
You get what you need.What is it that you really wanted and didn't get? The affections of a person who was with someone else? That dream job? The last cinnamon-raisin bagel snapped up by the customer in front of you?These scenarios range from trivial to potentially life-changing, but they all have one thing in common:WHEN YOU DON'T GET WHAT YOU WANT, YOU WANT IT EVEN MORE.Here are three reasons why this is so:1. Heightened attention: When something is hard to get (or forbidden) you immediately pay more attention to it. Notice that when you are on a restricted diet, you sometimes get too focused on what you "can't" eat. This heightened attention -- which can escalate into obsession -- makes the forbidden food seem very important. Your inner brat takes advantage of this, and tries to convince you that you MUST have that chocolate.2. Perceived scarcity: When something is scarce or in short supply, its perceived value increases. You want it more because you think other people also want it. If you've ever bid at auctions or on eBay, you know the experience of that last-minute excitement as you watch the bids spiral upward. The more people who bid, the more you're willing to pay for the item. Your inner brat wants it at any price.3. "Psychological Reactance": People don't like to be told they can't have or can't do something. It's related to not wanting to be controlled by others, especially if the situation feels unfair or arbitrary. The "reactance" is both emotional and behavioral.The emotional part is your inner brat saying, "Oh yeah? I can't have what I want? Just try and stop me!"The behavioral component is what you do about it, which usually involves some type of rebellious reaction. You see this with teenagers whose parents have forbidden them to date certain people. Reactance also explains why a "Wet Paint" sign invites unwanted fingerprints on the newly painted surface.Next time you don't get what you want, ask yourself whether one of the above factors has influenced your desire. If so, let go of the pursuit. Your inner brat won't be happy, but ultimately (in the words of the Rolling Stones,) you "might just find [that] you get what you need."Pauline Wallin, Ph.D. is a psychologist in Camp Hill, PA, and author of "Taming Your Inner Brat: A Guide for Transforming Self-defeating Behavior" (Wildcat Canyon Press, 2004)Visit http://www.innerbrat.com for more information, and subscribe to her free, monthly Inner Brat Newsletter.

How do you explain things to yourself? With positive self talk or negative? What we say to ourselves radically affects the quality of our lives, and our ability to do things effectively. How useful is it to always tell yourself "impossible," "more problems," "never," and "I can't?"Below are some of the things that positive and negative people say. Look at the difference, and start talking to yourself in constructive ways, if you don't already.Negative Self TalkWhen negative people explain bad things, they internalize them ("It's me again."), consider them permanent ("It's always this way."), and generalize ("Life sucks."). When they explain good things, they externalize them ("That's just lucky."), consider them temporary ("That went well TODAY."), and see them only in a specific context ("At least THIS went right.")."I screwed up again.""This good weather won't last.""It's ALWAYS a mess when I meet someone new.""This party is great, not like mine.""This is fun for now.""Well, THAT went okay, I guess."Positive Self TalkWhen positive people explain bad things, they externalize them ("The weather caused it."), consider them temporary ("That was a rough couple hours."), and see them as isolated ("THAT part of the plan didn't work, but..."). When they explain good things, they internalize them ("Life is great!"), consider them to be more or less permanent changes ("Now I know how to do this."), and generalize from them ("Things are working out well.")."That just went bad due to the weather.""It was rough for an hour or two.""The car broke down, but the trip was fun.""I've done well with this.""This has become a great business to be in.""I like the way things are going."Explain things to yourself differently, and you'll see a difference in your attitude today. Make positive self talk your normal mode of operation, and you'll see a difference in your life.Steve Gillman writes on many topics including brainpower, weight loss, meditation, habits of mind, creative problem solving, generating luck and anything related to self improvement. Learn more and get FREE e-courses at http://www.SelfImprovementNow.com

It sounds a little masochistic, but I actually appreciate being rejected.
No, I don't needlessly relish the sting of reproach, or eagerly welcome scornful criticism, per se. But, as a writer, a salesperson, and an entrepreneur, I have come to appreciate that there is a strong correlation between the frequency of rejections that I withstand and the amount of success I generate, especially in my career.Every professional writer can wallpaper a mansion with rejection slips. In fact, I read somewhere that the famous novel, The Yearling, was submitted under a different title as an experiment, and it was rejected by scores of publishers AFTER it had won incredible acclaim. Curiously, the original publisher rejected the work, too.Salespeople are taught that there is a math-of-success. They have to withstand a certain number of no's before they can earn a yes. And few entrepreneurs succeed after trying only one venture. Typically, it takes several attempts and even when one initiative prevails, its lifespan is limited.As I write this article, in fact, I'm probably not experiencing ENOUGH rejection. If I want to get more done, to appreciate the thrills of more achievements, I need to put myself on the line, more and more. I have to ASK for what I want and need, and of course when I do so, I'll be giving people the power to say NO.
Let me ask you this:What could you achieve in life if you decided to become totally and blissfully impervious to hostile criticism and to rejection? What careers or hobbies would you pursue that you're just too emotionally brittle to engage in, now?For instance, a friend of mine is a professional actor. He is among the 10% of thespians who actually finds a considerable amount of work in the field. In fact, just this year he appeared in four motion pictures, and a few were highly publicized, and did fairly well at the box office.But he has to constantly trawl for work and he is a tireless self-promoter. He even asked me if I could send a note to visitors to my web site that would tout the brilliance of his most recent film! Though he hopes that one of his roles will become a breakout success and will attract even more roles, he doesn't assume this will occur.On the contrary, he hustles day in and day out, answering every casting call, and networking like crazy to hear about roles that he might play. He behaves like a kid who is struggling to get into the business, and he's grateful for every break he gets.He speculates that most people don't make a living in the acting field because they become worn down by rejections. They stop believing in their skills, and as a result, they try less and less. And by trying less, they succeed less.If they would just work the numbers, and eagerly go for every opportunity, they'd work more, polish their skills, and they'd stay busy doing what they love. Success would then become inevitable.
I've been giving considerable thought to the fear of rejection, and here's one of my conclusions about it:It isn't the rejection that is intrinsically disturbing. It's the interpretation we make about it that drives us nuts and prevents us from realizing our potential.What do we tell ourselves? In essence, we draw the wrong inferences and make inappropriate generalizations from these experiences.For one thing, we tell ourselves that the rejections will be pervasive. If X rejected us, so will Y and Z.Another tendency is to believe that today's rejection will be permanent. If X said no yesterday, he'll definitely say no today and tomorrow.Finally, we tell ourselves that rejection is personal. It's about us, as individuals, and it reveals fundamental flaws about our character, our skills, or our attractiveness.When you read these things, they instantly seem foolish, don't they?For instance, on what authority, we have to ask ourselves, do we KNOW that if X rejected us, Y & Z will follow suit? We fear that will be the case, and we may suspect it will be so. But by no means is it conclusive, until we make it that way by failing to keep trying.Likewise, on what basis can we assert that today's rejection will recur tomorrow?When I was a salesperson, working my way through college, I contacted a fellow who LOUDLY rejected my offer, to say the least. Actually, he got unhinged and declared, "Never contact me, again!"I remember this episode vividly, because it was so exceptional. Anyway, the very next day, by mistake, I phoned him. (Apparently, I forgot to strike his name from my list.) My error only became apparent to me after I got him on the line and asked him how he was.At that second, I thought, "Oops!" To my surprise, he replied, "I'm fine."
I had no choice but to continue with my sales spiel, fully expecting him to reject me, even more loudly and emphatically, at any moment. Imagine how shocked I was to ask him for his order and to hear him cheerfully respond with, "Okay!"He bought from me, the very day after telling me to never contact him again!Please believe me when I tell you it was a mistake that I had called him back. Given how poorly the first call went, I was in no mood for a repeat performance. But by erring in this way, I accidentally proved the point that rejection isn't necessarily permanent. Today's no can even be a precursor, and a necessary one, to tomorrow's yes, if we only get our minds around the concept.This story also demonstrates that rejection isn't necessarily personal. The day before, when this guy bit my head off, he was probably overwhelmed by something that had nothing to do with me. Yet, when many of us are being spurned, our impulse is to blame ourselves and to feel sullied by the overall experience. We feel awful, and beat ourselves down before the next person can do it to us.So, what can we do to conquer rejection and to actually learn to invite it?Four things:(1) Tell yourself it is isolated;(2) Tell yourself it is temporary; and(3) Tell yourself it doesn't pertain to you, personally. In other words they may be rejecting your idea or offer, but they aren't rejecting YOU.(4) Prove these truths by actively seeking more rejections. If you hope to publish that novel or to get that screenplay into the right hands, send them out more widely. Give more people the chance to say no!This is one of the great secrets of the Law of Large Numbers. Do more of anything, and you'll make success inevitable!Dr. Gary S. Goodman is a popular keynote speaker, consultant, and seminar leader and the best-selling author of 12 books. He is the author of the Nightingale-Conant audio program, The Law Of Large Numbers: How To Make Success Inevitable. Gary teaches Entrepreneurship and Consulting at UCLA Extension, and he is President of Customersatisfaction.com and The Goodman Organization. When he isn't being rejected, he can usually be found in Glendale, California, where he makes his home. He can be reached at gary@customersatisfaction.com.

This is a technique that sounds a bit silly when you first hear about it (and doesn't seem at first to get much better as you read on) but WORKS, which is what counts, if you apply it to your life. The idea is to "open" a Confidence Bank Account for yourself. Bear with me on this!We all feel at times that our confidence could be at a higher level than it is, whether that is in the moment or over a period of time. By using a CBA, we can build our confidence back up to where we would like it to be.The principle behind the idea is this; every time you do something, big or small, that adds to your self confidence, you make a deposit into your CBA. As you start to do more and more actions that give you confidence, your CBA begins to grow.You don't need to write down your account but that may be helpful to you. Lay out our account as if it were a real bank account by using a spreadsheet or simply a sheet of paper. Start the account with an opening balance. Decide at what level
your confidence is, at present, on a scale of 1 to 10. For every level, give yourself 100 bank credits. In other words, if you rate yourself at 6 on the confidence scale, add 600 points to your CBA.Now that your account is open, start becoming aware of the things you do in your life that improve your self confidence. This is the key to the technique. It makes you look for the good things you do at times when your focus may be elsewhere.Every time you notice doing something that is positive, in any area, rate that deed on a scale, and award the points to the account. Not everything we do on a daily basis would have a major impact on us, so be careful not to miss the small things.A couple of examples of points scoring would be as follows. Let us say that today you have just delivered a presentation at work in front of a sizeable number of your colleagues and strangers from another company. This would be an action that deserves a high number of points, so you could award yourself 200 credits.On the other hand you also smiled at someone in the supermarket whom you are attracted to. This is not the biggest thing that has happened in your life, but it should be rewarded. Give yourself 25 points. The most important aspect of this system is in encouraging you to spot the small stuff.As time goes on and your account fills up you will begin to notice an improvement in your level of self confidence. If you find that there are specific areas that you would like to build on, then open a CBA solely aimed at that subject. You could have an account for relationships, work, friends, strangers, anything you decide upon.Your CBA has no overdraft limit, therefore you can't take out more than you put in. If you do something that you feel has reduced your confidence, don't be too harsh on yourself. Even if what has happened seems like an almighty disaster at the time, just remind yourself that you not only own the account but you own the bank as well.Try this technique for a few weeks and see if it works for you. Even if you keep the account in your head rather than on paper you should be able to feel a difference in your life.Allan Cowley is a Life Coach working on a one-to-one basis with clients throughout the world. He provides online life coaching via his website. You can contact him at:- http://www.uk-success-coach.com/

WhenWhen we have feelings for someone or something, we have given birth to those feelings through thought. Proverbs Chapter 23 verse 7 reads: "For as he thinks in his heart, so is he. 'Eat and drink!' he says to you, but his heart is not with you." This is an example of how bad relationships begin. What is in a person's heart is what they consider important. It is essential to understand what is in our heart and where our thoughts come from. When we discover that what is in our heart does not match what Gods word says, it is extremely important to realign our heart with Gods word. We must guard our mind, because 365 days out of the year, the devil constantly tempts us with thoughts and suggestions in our mind, lustful thoughts, which can ultimately cause the break-down of our relationship. James Chapter 1 Verse 14 says, "But every person is tempted when he is drawn away, enticed and baited by his own lusts."HowOften we find ourselves in subtle situations which cause us to have thoughts which, on a good day, we would not follow through with. These thoughts fall into two categories: The spirit of our enemy, the devil and from the spirit of our advocate, Jesus Christ. The thoughts from our enemy usually have to do with anger, envy, strife, gossiping, committing sexual sins, vengeance, etc. For instance, if a married woman sees a handsome man and thinks to herself, "I wonder what it would be like to have a relationship with that handsome man?" This is a bad thought. Another example would be if a married man has an opportunity to have sex with "no strings" attached and he thinks to himself, "Why not? My wife will never find out." These bad thoughts are an illustration of the types of battles within the mind that people must contend with. An important note, one does not have to act on the bad thought and it is this point that is so critical to understand.In personal relationships we look for fulfillment. In our quest for personal fulfillment, we have to put aside the things that society says to look for in a mate and focus on what God says. In Philippians Chapter 4 Verses 6 through 8 it says:"6": Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God."7": And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus."8": Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be anything praiseworthy, meditate on these things.The Devil uses society to get us to buy into certain stereotypes that are against what God says is true. We should focus on thinking on truth, honesty, justice, purity, loveliness, good report, virtue and praise to God. This will keep our hearts in a state of being able to act out in a way that will attract what we seek for a great relationship with someone. Society wants us to believe that we must achieve a lot of material things in order to get the relationship we desire. Society says to look for wealth, money, power, position, looks and a determination to do well in the world. In truth, we need to make sure we search for those things that will keep our hearts pure, honest and with praise for God. It is God who blesses us and he has left clear instructions on what we need to do to complete our quest for a good, healthy relationship. After all, what we are really seeking in a relationship is someone who can complete who we are, a person who provides qualities that we need help with. The idea is to know the difference between our own good and bad thoughts in our quest for a relationship. The rest will be easy. If someone brings bad thoughts to you, then more than likely, this person is not right for you. If you can be an example for them, God may work in their life and they could change, but don't you try to change them. Only God can change hearts and minds. Just work on your own heart and be an example to others. This is what God wants all of us to do. This way, we will not allow the bad thoughts from the devil to make us take action and do bad things, just to be in a relationship with someone.WhyIt is important to know that there is a battle raging in our mind because it makes a difference in the choices we make for our own life. There is an old saying, "Knowing is half the battle." Humans are such unique beings. We have a built in desire to seek answers to our existence. In that quest for answers, we need to know Gods word to help us choose the right path to take. In comprehending the difference between good and bad thoughts, society has created a world based on laws. These laws are now becoming more and more in question because of terrorist threats, wars and rumors of wars, men marrying men and women marrying women. One law becomes a distraction for the other and in your mind, you struggle with the truth. The laws are now causing people to become more afraid and more dependent on what societies believes. With this fear, people have become less likely to depend on God and more likely to engage in depending on their own understanding. Proverbs Chapter 3 verse 5 ? 6 says 5: "Trust in the LORD with all your heart; and lean not unto your own understanding. 6: In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths."Try this exercise for yourself. Write your answers down and keep them in a safe place to remind you to study Gods word. If you are honest, your answers will shock you.1) Ask yourself, "Has my life changed in a good way or a bad way?"2) Ask yourself, "Do I know the truth about Gods word?"3) Ask yourself, "Have my thoughts been good or bad lately?"Thoughts make a difference in our life. It is good to know that we do have control over what we choose to think and believe. I choose to believe in Gods word and I try to keep only good Christ like thoughts in my mind because as it says in the book of Proverbs Chapter 23 verse 7: "For as he thinks in his heart, so is he?" What are you thinking?Nevada York has based one of her characters: "Pastor Ethan", in her book Mahogany's Revelation on Ethan Berry, A.K.A. "Pastor Ethan." He resides in the Bay Area of California.
http://nevadayork.com

Have you ever known someone like this? "A person who knows how to start well, but finds it difficult to keep going"? A person whose successes are dependent on the quality of someone else's encouragement and motivation? Someone who consistently let's discouragement get the better of him? Ever found yourself like that? There's hope, read on.Don't Worry, Be Happy! &^%$%^Yeah right! How many times have you wished you could bit**-slap somebody for saying that at the moment you least needed it? I know I have a bunch. The problem is, most of the time you're in a moment of discouragement when that is said. So, those words come across as being insensitive and cold blooded.Our first reaction is to lash out at the person who said it, to give them a piece of our mind. And, sometimes we even tell them to stay out of our life and mind their own business. Of course, we really don't mean it; we're just reacting to the discouragement that has pounced upon us.But, have you ever considered this? The other person doesn't really feel your discouragement. Oh! Really, you say: Yeah, big revelation. Be nice to me now. Seriously, if they did, and especially if it was a loved one, they would never say words that would rattle your cage. But, the discouragement at hand makes us want to take out our saber and cut off their right ear.Then what happens is, the other person, who at the moment was probably feeling pretty chipper and happy, suddenly feels the fury of your wrath so they take out their boxing gloves and then we got a full scale war on our hands. It all started because one person felt discouraged and now we got two people pi**ed off worse than a couple of fire breathing dragons.Makes Your Hair Stand On End!At a moment when you are really in your groove those words just roll off like water off a duck's back. But, discouragement can change the whole face of the situation. It can cause us to even sabotage our own best efforts. It can take the best laid plans of mice and men and turn them into mush.Do not underestimate the potential effects of discouragement. It is like a virus; it spreads and can become so contagious that it acts like a permanent personality trait. Make no bones about it; it can make your dream not worth the powder to blow it up. When the roots get that deep, it takes military strength anecdotes to rid it.A Thief In The Night!Discouragement has probably caused as many business failures as lack of capital, because it is first to show up. The discouragement shows up long before the money runs out. Then the day by day emotional warfare begins and the potential to self-sabotage everything we are trying to accomplish. At that point; the money runs out!At the end, we blame it on the lack of money, our spouse, our next door neighbor, our cat, or anything that makes us look not at fault and out of our control. After all, if we could have stopped it, we would have. But, what we really did was try to stop the effects of the failure before trying to stop the discouragement that was fueling it.Consider this: take a forest fire out of control; it is much easier to cut off the fuel than to drown it. Just clear areas outside the fire and it'll burn itself out. If the fuel line to the engine is not cut off, then it's pretty safe to bet our efforts to stop the failure will not succeed. Succeeding at any task in life is hard enough without allowing discouragement to hamper our efforts. A mind filled with discouragement will never have the motivation to keep going.A Force To Be Reckoned With!It will cause the person affected by it to become jealous and resentful of others success. It can cause a woe-is-me attitude that will hang around like stink on a skunk. Discouragement will paralyze the strongest of dreams, which is the reason many people affected by it start well but can't keep going.Many people try to cover it up. Some are able to do it pretty effectively. But, underneath there is an undeniable and unmistaken pain and hurt that saps the person's motivation and causes depression to set in many cases.With such a wide spread problem is there anything that we can easily do to combat discouragement? Remember, discouragement needs fuel to spread and grow. The fuel is our thoughts but, just telling ourselves to, "don't worry, be happy," does no more good than it did when our friend said it to us.Do This Bright And Early!Just as soon as you tell yourself not to worry the pressure will become a storm. It's almost like waving a red flag in front of a bull. He is going charge it and discouragement is going pound your thoughts till you "forcibly" take action to run them out. Once discouragement has set in the situation calls for serious action. It's time to sit down with a good book.At this point in time you need some help so don't try to be the honcho moncho and go it by yourself. You need for your eyes to feed on words that will help. I'm a firm believer in self-suggestion and auto-suggestion; these techniques have helped me immensely through the years. But discouragement is dangerous and you don't want to play footsy with it.Don't Judge A Book By It's Cover!Whatever book you read, do it quickly. I keep a handy Bible around me for moments like these. I get into the Psalms and Proverbs. My favorite is the ninety first Psalm. And, it is amazing how quickly discouragement takes a hike. I'm just as human as any one else and discouragement tests me like everyone. But, one thing I do is run for the Book when it comes. The Book anecdote never fails.If you don't read the Bible then I would suggest you find some good motivational book to feed your eyes on. There are a lot of them. And, don't leave that book till you feel the pressure subsiding. It will, sometimes ten minutes, sometimes thirty minutes. But, that is a small price to pay for peace and calmness of mind.This is the only method I have ever tried that works one hundred percent of the time combating discouragement. As many of you know I'm a big believer in, "you possess what you confess". The art of affirmation has brought me through in more cases than I can count. It's not "hocus pocus", it's not "blab it and grab it;" but it is a universal and spiritual truth that all can take advantage of and will greatly help anyone.Don't Cut Off Your Nose To Spite Your Face!So, don't try to re-invent the wheel and spend possibly years trying to discover some hot dog brand new strategy that no one has ever heard of and test it against your most dangerous enemy. Go to the Book, it'll never fail you.Richard Vegas

Are you driving under the influence of impaired emotions?Dateline: December 4, 2002. Orange County ,California. A 29 year old man was shot to death, an apparent victim of road rage. According to newspaper accounts, he had a reputation for never backing down from a fight.The man and his half brother were heading home from a plumbing job when the trouble began. Apparently, three men in another car zoomed in front of their car. These men started hurling profanities and flashing obscene gestures at the brothers, who returned the insults.Things escalated until a gun was pulled. Rather than backing down, the man got out of his car and began walking toward the gunman. Two shots rang out, missing the man who then continued to walk toward the gunman until he was shot and killed.While this tragic incidence is illustrative of an extreme case of aggressive driving, there are thousands of lesser cases in the United States yearly. According to he AAA Foundation for Traffic Safety, incidents of aggressive driving have increased by 7% every year since 1990; however, few courts mandate anger management treatment for traffic offenders.FIVE ZONES OF AGGRESSIVE DRIVINGResearch by Dr. Leon James at the University of Hawaii reveals five categories of aggressive driving. Which zone do you or a loved one fall in?THE UNFRIENDLY ZONE - Example: closing ranks to deny someone entering your lane because you're frustrated or upset.HOSTILE ZONE - Example: Tailgating to pressure another driver to go faster or get out of the way.VIOLENT ZONE- Example: Making visible obscene gestures at another driver.LESS MAYHEM ZONE- Example: Pursuing other cars in a chase because of provocation or insult.MAJOR MAYHEM ZONE - Example: Getting out of the car and beating or battering someone as a result of a road exchange.DO AGGRESSIVE DRIVERS SEE THEMSELVES AS SUCH?According to Dr. James and his research team, drivers who consider themselves as almost perfect in excellence (with no room to improve) also confessed to significantly more aggressiveness than drivers who see themselves as still improving.What this means is that despite their self-confessed aggressiveness, 2 out of 3 drivers still insist on seeing themselves as near perfect drivers with almost no room to improve. These drivers see "the other guy" as the problem and thus do not look at their own aggressive driving behavior.WHAT CAUSES AGGRESSIVE DRIVING BEHAVIOR?While there is no one standard definition for aggressive driving, many psychologists see anger as the root cause of the problem. Regardless of the provocation or the circumstances related to problems on the road, it is ultimately our emotional state, our stress levels and our thinking patterns that either cause us to drive aggressively or lead us to be the victims of others.In short, many of get us get in trouble because we are driving under the influence of impaired emotions, especially anger.Like drunk driving, aggressive driving is more than a simple action or carelessness; it is a behavioral choice that drivers make.It is normal and natural to feel angry when certain events frustrate us on the road. But, how do you deal with these angry feelings to cope with the situation more effectively?TWO WAYS TO COPE WITH IMPAIRED DRIVING EMOTIONS:Research clearly shows that reducing stress and changing your self-talk can help you cope.1.REDUCE YLUR STRESS. Driving is emotionally challenging because unexpected things happen constantly with which we must cope. We often drive under the pressure of time, or the pressure of congestion and delays which add to our general stress level.Suggestions include listening to relaxing music or educational tapes on the road, leaving 15 minutes sooner, and getting up earlier so you are less rushed.2. CHANGE YOUR PERSPECTIVE with different self-talk. As a result of earlier life experiences, we all have "automatic" thoughts that are generated by our mind when certain "triggers" occur when driving. We can change our perspective and thus our angry feelings by consciously changing this "self-talk." For instance, if cut off in traffic think something like ?that "jerk" may actually be a single mother who worked nine hours that day and is rushing home to cook dinner, help with homework, do the laundry and spend a few precious moments with her children."CONCLUSIONS: If driving under the influence of impaired emotions, you can make a personal decision to cope with your angry feelings in a more effective way. This will help you avoid aggressive driving or becoming the victim of another aggressive driver. Reducing your stress level and learning to change your self-talk are effective and powerful tools to cope with the challenges of driving in our fast-paced society.About The AuthorDr Tony Fiore, The Anger Coach, is a psychologist, and anger management trainer in Southern California.To subscribe to his free newsletter, "Taming the Anger Bee" visit his website at http://www.angercoach.comdrtony@angercoach.com