Funniest Pond Stories-Part 1, May 2004
Get ready for some gut-wrenching, laugh out loud hilarious pond
stories from all over the world...(Continued from May Issue of PondStuff!)We had some hilarious, truly gut wrenching, laugh out-loud
stories sent in by some of you. Here we're going to highlight
some of the funniest stories for you to read.We had entries from all over the place (Inluding one all the way
from THAILAND!) The competition was fierce, and to be honest - I
had a really hard time deciding on one 'funniest' story, but
here's a brief rundown of our entries: cats, dogs, and bunnies
(?) all taking the Nestea plunge right into the water, a hungry
KOI nibbling in dangerous territory, a missing flip flop, an
electrifying experience for grandma, fun for the whole family,
fish frape, and flying fish to boot!First, let's start with this very funny story about 'Smokey' -
who apparently thinks he can walk on water. This was sent in by
Mike Lachance from Maryland:Funny Pond Story #1"I wish I had a photo to share of this very true story but any
ponder with cats has likely had the same experience at some time
or another. Several years ago, when I was enjoying the second
season of my first pond (I have now built four as I've moved
around), one of our cats, "Smokey", who was a natural hunter in
her prime, saw a mockingbird alight on a lilly pad to get a drink
of water. Well, old "Smokester" slowly crept out from under some
day lillies and made a spectacular jump with all four paws
majestically carrying her like a flying squirrel, right for that
intruding bird.It is not as though she had not already had a couple of
encounters with the water but that day the feathered treat must
have been too much for her to pass up. Well, both my wife and I
were there to see her make a wonderful belly flop into the pond.Of course, the bird was out of the way in plenty of time and I
swear that that cat walked on her toes the five feet it took her
to get out of the water! And of course, after removing herself
from the water, in a very nonchalant manner, proceeded to lift
each leg, shake off the water and as much as say "I meant to do
that, you know".Smokey often spent time at the pond later, using her tail to
attract the fish (she would put it in the water and swish it
around and the fish would come up to explore it. She never did
catch one). She also loved to sit at the waterfall and enjoy the
water moving past her. So that is my funny pond story.=== Funny Pond Story #2"Dear all at McArthur,My funniest pond story is about my late aunt, who introduced me
to the joy of backyard ponds. Donna had a large koi pond in her
backyard that she devoted endless amounts of love and attention
to. As happens with most ponds, spring brought some uninvited
guests...in this case frogs. One evening Donna was working on the
pond, checking the cantankerous pump and filter system, and using
her net to skim out leaves and what not that had blown in.My 80+ plus year old grandmother was supervising the work and
offering her expert opinion on how to proceed. They were amazed
at the number of frogs that had taken up residence, and not too
happy about it. Donna noticed a frog swimming at the far side of
the pond that she wanted to get out...something was not quite
right about the way he was swimming, and she pointed him out to
Grandma. "Mom, look at that frog swimming on his back!" Grandma
was a bit skeptical...frogs doing the back stroke were a
phenomenon that she was unfamiliar with.She advised that this misfit should be removed immediately. Don't
want to give the other little froggies strange ideas. Donna made
several attempts at scooping the miscreant up with her net, but
he was just out of reach. Only one thing left to do. Roll up your
shorts and wade in after him. The answer to Mr. Frogs strange
swimming technique became painfully obvious as soon as Donna
reached his immediate vacinity....a faulty under water light had
shorted and electrocuted him! Donna didn't need her electric
rollers for a few days after that!"Enecia SabroffFunny Pond Story #3"Hello----My husband recently bought a beagle puppy, at this time
he was 8 weeks old. My husband also bought two almost, semi-tame
rabbits to help train the puppy to track rabbits. At this time I
only had one pond that was preformed 550 gallons, my husband put
one of the rabbits out to platy with the puppy, the rabbit was
teasing the puppy, running a little ways then jumping over his
head, then the rabbit decided he didn't want to play anymore so
he started to run from Bear (the puppy), and he dove into the
pond. We were thinking that Bear would go around the pond to
the other side and continue chasing the bunny, but Bear just dove
right in, he was so little though that he had to be rescued from
the small backyard pond. My husband's only response was "he's
going to be a good rabbit dog!" Well, thanks for listening to
my story. Sincerely, Roberta Collins Toledo, OhioFunny Pond Story #4"A story to share...Two years ago I started with the crazy idea of building a small
pond with koi fishes. After a lot of working I finally built it,
and decorated it with all sort of plants. One day... mi female
cat "Manchita" went to the pond to examine this new
construction. She went to the border, jumped on a flat stone and
starter to drink water. To her big surprise one of the fishes ,
possibly thinking that the white nose of my cat was food, jumped
out of the water, trying to eat it.. Can you imagine the
surprise of the cat ? I believe that the fish was also quite
impressed with the experience. My cat almost fell into the pond ,
.. and from then on she never went around the pond again. She
used to watch the pond from my dorm, located in the second floor
and just across the pond. Unfortunately I did not take a picture
of this "accident". I am sending you a pictute of this first
pond; in the meantime I did build another, larger one.
Unfortunately "Manchita" is not around any more, she passed away
a few month ago, from old age.. This story happened in Valdivia,
a city located in the south of Chile. In this country winter is
approaching, with lots of leaves falling from the trees an the
plants in my pond preparing themselves to sleep for a while..."
Maria Fresard==Funny Pond Story #5"I have two ponds. An upper and lower pond. The upper pond is fed
by a waterfall with the source being the lower pond (driven by a
pump). The lower pond is fed by an overflow of the upper pond
that flows underground for about 70 feet (12 in drain pipe). Last
summer I rescued some trout fingerlings from a seasonal stream
going dry near my home. I put them in the lower pond. This spring
I was sitting in my kitchen and could see something flopping on
my water fall. The trout had migrated up the overflow tube and
were trying to swim further upstream via the water falls. No so
funny but does show the strength of nature. Just a few weeks ago,
Egrets found the pond and the fish.There is nothing left to migrate at this time. Not so funny but
does an Egret taste anything like a turkey when cooked?"Tom Gegenheimer==Funny Pond Story #6"We have only had a pond for a short time ... details can be seen
at http://thailand4life.net/smithgarden/The funny story must include the workmen (in Thailand) who took
zero safety precautions when constructing the pond.Watching guys shovelling concrete from a lorry and spreading it
across the bottom of the pond ... when the footwear they had was
just 'flip-flops' resulted in great entertainment .... especially
when. several times, the flip flops came off and were lost in the
cement somewhere (eventually found while they walked around bare
footed) .... pictures athttp://thailand4life.net/smithgarden/images/large/DSC03062.jpg
http://thailand4life.net/smithgarden/images/large/DSC03070.jpg
http://thailand4life.net/smithgarden/images/large/DSC03060.jpgStrangely it was only the guys .... the women laborers all wore
Wellington boots .... maybe this reflects on which of the sexes
is really the most sensible?" Regards, Chris==Funny Pond Story #7"I am building a pond at this time and I was in the process of
building a waterfall in the corner of a fence. The waterfall is
about 3 feet high and 7 feet wide. I thought I was finishing up
the waterfall with some flat rock on the very top. So I
straddeled thewaterfall with my knees on the second ledge and set
the flat rock on top. When I did this the whole waterfall fell
down because I build it on blocks and not a pile of dirt.When it fell one big rock caught my foot and I slide down the
fall and fell backwards into the pond going all the way under and
had a couple of big rocks come down on me. Meanwhile my wife is
laughing her butt of at me and I asked her to help me out she
slipped on the flat wet rock that surounded the ponds edge and
half way fell in with me.Now my two boys were playing in the yard they are 5 and 3 and saw
this happen to us and they thought it was time to got swimming so
guess who jumped into the pond with us, the boys. Nothing like
having the whole family in on the pond. We laughed for awhile but
then I had to rebuild the whole waterfall again and this time I
put the top rocks on from the side."Robert H Coppa Jr.==Funny Pond Story #8I decided 300 gallons would be perfect. I did all the math and
spent a great deal of time working with more experienced
ponders. Somehow when it was all said and done my little 300
gallon pond ended up being 810 gallons and come to find out it
was yet another one of my mathematical errors. Guess I should
have paid more attention in that college level math class
required for my Associates, right.We got the pond all up and running but because of the
miscalculation we now needed a bigger pump to feed the waterfall
so I went to our local water garden supplier and asked which one
to get. Budget was a concern so it was recommended that we got a
The Last Laugh: Parental Pranks for April 1
The exact origin of April Fool's Day is uncertain, but popular belief is that it began in France with the adoption of a new calendar. In 1582, the Gregorian calendar (still in use today) replaced the long-standing Julian calendar and New Year's celebrations were moved from April 1 to January 1.People who continued to celebrate the new year on April 1 were labeled "fools" and often ridiculed. This harassment evolved over time, and now "All Fool's Day" is practised in many parts of the world with each country celebrating it in their own special way.In Scotland, "Taily Day" lasts 48 hours and is devoted to pranks involving the buttocks. The Scots are rumoured to have invented the "Kick Me" sign.In France, children exclaim "Poisson d'Avril" (April fish) when playing a prank, referring to a young fish which is easily caught.In Rome, the "Festival of Hilaria" is on March 25 and is also referred to as "Roman Laughing Day".While children relish tricking us on this special day, why let them have all the fun. Here are some ways for you to trick them:Replace the cream filling out of Oreo-type cookies and fill with mint toothpaste. Put in lunches or on a plate and watch their faces.Send a cheese sandwich for lunch, but "forget" to remove the plastic wrapper off the slice. Consider even placing a note inside stating, "Got 'cha!" or "April Fool".Put some water in a cereal bowl, and place it in the freezer the night before. Offer to get your family cereal in the morning. Put a thin layer of their favourite cereals on top of the ice, and serve.Or, just before your kids come down to eat breakfast, put some food colouring in the milk. Blue, green, or yellow (it looks like soured milk)-any color will do. Watch them go into total shock when they pour the milk into their cereal or glasses.Or consider preparing a special April Fool's Day Dinner, where nothing is quite what it appears:Make your favourite meatloaf recipe and bake in 2 round cake pans. Frost with mashed potatoes that are the consistency of frosting. You could write "Happy April Fool's Day" on the cake with ketchup.Prepare lemon Jell-O and pour into glasses, insert a straw and let it set up. The Jell-O is the drink and looks like lemonade (watch your kids try to suck it up a straw).Make "fish sticks" or "French fries" from pound cake. Place on a baking sheet and bake at 350 degrees until crisp and golden on the edges. Raspberry or chocolate sauce can be served in opaque red plastic "ketchup bottles".Everybody loves a well-played joke and the infectious squeals of children's laughter. So this April 1, why not try to catch your own "young fish" in a harmless prank and make it a day of family fun. Just remember ? don't leave this article on the coffee table. You wouldn't want to give your kids any good ideas.---------------------------------------------------------------Award-winning educator, speaker and author Rob Stringer coaches parents with his upbeat approach to learning and parenting. Explore articles, activities and learn how to create the family you desire.BONUS: Subscribe to the FREE monthly "Parenting with Intention" newsletter and automatically receive a special report, 25 Tips to Help Your Child Succeed In School. Sign up at http://www.robstringer.com/newsletter.htm or send a blank email to
pwi-subscribe@aweber.com and join our growing list of readers.
Online Book Promotion Beats Traditional Seven to One - Part 1
While traditional marketing can work for the book author or publisher, the return is dim for the huge effort it takes. You must promote 90% of the time to even get a milligram of attention. While you may have a success or two, most of your efforts will bring poor book sales.With online marketing, the author's message will reach hundreds of thousands in just a day because people love the free information you can give them with an enticement to come to your site to buy. And, you'll spend 9% instead of 90% time on it. Ask yourself right now, what promotion is working for me? What is not?Traditional Book Marketing Method One: The Press ReleaseSure, press releases can bring you attention.But it takes a lot of time to gather specific media or radio/TV producers' names. Writing "The San Diego Media Resource Directory" took 50 hours to research, and a lot more time to update each year.But you waste your efforts if your release doesn't go the right person. Many authors make the mistake of sending the release to the book editor. He gets hundreds each month, and will pay no attention if you are self-published. Like agents and traditional publishers, only 1-2% are chosen.But if you only send a few releases, they may get ignored. It's usual for any business to send out 150 news releases a year. That does take some time and effort.Don't relax after you send one or two releases. Think in terms of at least five a month.But, 95% of releases are ignored and tossed into the round file. Why? For many reasons, but check to see if you include a compelling heading, a human-interest story, a short tip list or article of how-tos, or a present news analogy.But you send a lengthy news release that takes 2 pages. Usually, editors want one under one page, double-spaced.But you go on and on about your book's features rather than its benefits. What's in it for the media's audience? They want solutions just like your book should offer. It turns out editors accept how to tips and articles with your byline that refers to your book than the features within your book. Most new authors omit this most important information.But most people don't realize the purpose of the press release is to grab the editor by the collar, so they will want to do a feature story on you. Make your headlines sizzle. "Seven Ways to Sell More Books Than You Ever Dreamed Of" got a feature story, which attracted 90 people to a seminar by the same name. The coach sold $550 worth of books, gained four new book- coaching clients worth $2000, enrolled 15 in her weekly seminars, yielding 24 clients published within a 2-year period.Your book coach's first published press release responded to an article on the editorial page about the "Three R's." The headline was "Schools Need to Teach the Fourth "R" "Rapid Reading. After discussing the background problems of first grade reading circles, she included the benefits of rapid reading, and gave nine how-to solutions. The publisher not only loved the article, but also came personally to take a picture.Most people don't realize the purpose of the press release is to grab the editor by the collar, so he or she will want to do a feature story on you. Make your headlines sizzle. "Seven Ways to Sell More Books Than You Ever Dreamed Of" got a feature story which attracted 90 people to a seminar by the same name. The coach sold $550 worth of books, gained four new book-coaching clients worth $2000, enrolled 15 in her weekly seminars, yielding 24 clients published within a two-year period.Traditional Book Marketing Method Two: Giving Talks, Seminars and Presenting at ExposCreating a talk takes a lot of time. You must practice it at least two times before you deliver it. You must discover resources to find organizations to present to. Many of them don't pay their speakers. You may say that's OK because I will sell books. Yes, you'll sell a dozen or maybe more, but think of the huge effort it takes to get there. Consider travel time, traffic, clothing upkeep, and schlepping all those heavy books around.Like myself, you may present a talk or seminar to a corporation with big hopes of selling your products. When they pay you, though, they may set boundaries on book sales. One positive is that because you have a book, you can negotiate and leverage with meeting planners and top executives for higher paid presentations.The biggest disadvantage? You must wait for decision makers to accept and schedule you--that could be six months or more. Think of the time invested in marketing materials such as the One-Page, videos, and meetings. Your book coach left this venue because she knew there was a better way! But was it expos?Speaking at Expos or maintaining a booth takes many hours of work. Consider preparing and submitting press releases, creating brochures, hand outs, decorating the booth, presenting a drawing, and bringing in products to sell.Speaking can bring you a few book sales, but people passing by your booth are usually just looking. Giving out hundreds of flyers with free seminar offers brings few results too.Yes, I did get on a talk-radio show and eleven people showed up at my Supermemory seminar. No, they didn't buy books or book a coaching session. Yes, I collected names and email addresses from a free drawing. I was able to use them for my free ezine, The Book Coach Says...," but clients did not bang down my door to use my talents.With figuring my prep and floor time at 44 hours for just one expo and sales under $350, I'd say that was slave labor.Judy Cullins