The Impact of Divorce on Families
The Impact of Divorce on Families
As a licensed mental health professional, I work with many individuals, couples, and families who are affected by divorce. I see the devastating effects that breakups can have and am dedicated to helping people develop the skills to cope with experiences like divorce.Major DisruptionsThe decision to divorce causes major changes in the lives of all family members. Some upheaval is inevitable. The main trouble areas are:1. Financial: Money becomes a huge problem for most people. The cost of a divorce is extremely high, and two households cost more than one.2. Career: Being less focused at work and spending time away from the job for divorce-related appointments takes its toll.3. Logistics: Running your home is more difficult because you no longer have a partner to help with daily chores.4. Emotional: Most people have periods of depression, sadness, anger, and fatigue.Lots of FeelingsPeople who are experiencing the breakup of their marriage can expect to have a wide variety of feelings. Some call it "the crazy time" and there is even a book about divorce with this title. The following complaints are common:? Poor concentration? Nightmares? Sleep problems? Fatigue? Mood swings? Feeling tense? Nausea? Gaining/losing weight? Feeling nervous? Somatic complaintsDivorce profoundly affects children. In Surviving the Breakup, author Judith Wallerstein describes the experience of 60 divorcing families. She outlines the following key issues for children of divorcing families:Fear: Divorce is frightening to children, and they often respond with feelings of anxiety. Children feel more vulnerable after a divorce because their world has become less reliable.Fear of abandonment: One-third of the children in Wallerstein's study feared that their mother would abandon them.Confusion: The children in divorcing families become confused about their relationships with their parents. They see their parents' relationship fall apart and sometimes conclude that their own relationship with one or both parents could dissolve, as well.Sadness and yearning: More than half of the children in the Wallerstein study were openly tearful and sad in response to the losses they experienced. Two-thirds expressed yearning, for example: "We need a daddy. We don't have a daddy."Worry: In Wallerstein's study, many children expressed concern about one or both of their parents' ability to cope with their lives. They wondered if their parents were emotionally stable and able to make it on their own.
Over half of the children expressed deep worries about their mothers. They witnessed their mothers' mood swings and emotional reactions to the events in the family. Some children worried about suicide and accidents.Feeling rejected: Many children who experience a parent moving out of the home feel rejected by the parent. The parent is usually preoccupied with problems and pays less attention to the child than in the past. Many children take this personally and feel rejected and unlovable.Loneliness: Since both parents are preoccupied with their problems during the divorce process, they are less able to fulfill their parenting roles with their children. The children may feel like their parents are slipping away from them. If the father has moved away and the mother has gone off to work, the children often feel profound loneliness.Divided loyalties: The children may (accurately) perceive that the parents are in a battle with each other. The children feel pulled in both directions and may resolve the dilemma by siding with one parent against another.Anger: Children in divorcing families experience more aggression and anger. It is often directed toward the parents, expressed in tantrums, irritability, resentment, and verbal attacks. Many children see the divorce as a selfish act and feel very resentful about the resulting destruction of their lives.More than one-third of the children in Judith Wallerstein's study showed acute depressive symptoms such as sleeplessness, restlessness, difficulty in concentrating, deep sighing, feelings of emptiness, compulsive overeating, and various somatic complaints.The symptoms that many children may have during the divorce process either moderate or disappear within 18 months after the breakup. Of the symptoms that remain, the most common are:1. Manipulative behavior was reported by about 20% of the teachers of the children in Wallerstein's study.2. Depression was diagnosed in 25% of the children and adolescents. The symptoms of depression in children include:? Low self-esteem? Inability to concentrate? Sadness? Mood swings? Irritability? Secretiveness? Isolation? Self-blame? Eating disorders? Behaving perfectly? Being accident-prone? Stealing? Skipping school? Underachieving at school? Sexual acting outYou should consider finding a therapist to work with if most of the time you feel:? Alone? Depressed? Numb? Exhausted? Isolated? Hopeless? Overwhelmed by your children? Overwhelmed by your feelings? You are sleeping too much or too little? Worried? Anxious? AfraidGarrett Coan is a professional therapist,coach and psychotherapist. His two Northern New Jersey office locations are accessible to individuals who reside in Bergen County, Essex County, Passaic County, Rockland County, and Manhattan. He offers online and telephone coaching and counseling services for those who live at a distance. He can be accessed through http://www.creativecounselors.com or 201-303-4303.
Healing Dysfunctional Families
Healing Dysfunctional Families
In a recent article entitled "Some Evidence On How We
Are Spiritually Connected" I reported on a case study that revealed how individuals who share common traumatic memories can help each other release the trauma at a distance employing a new tool called the Mind Resonance Process(TM). In this article I will elaborate some of the potential applications of such a result as well as its far reaching implications.It is well known that within family systems, for instance, the individuals therein share an entire life history of common trauma. Often this trauma may be in the form of isolated incidents experienced by one individual outside of the family setting and then brought into the family via direct contact. In other situations the trauma may be the result of relationship difficulties within the family system itself.In the quoted study it became evident that one way of accounting for the distance healing effects was by invoking the concept of an energy field of information within which is stored, just like on the hard drive of your computer, the life history of the individual. Hence the non-local, i.e. distant, effects of one field on another could then be used to explain the distance healing results that I observed.Now it is also clear that one's DNA, with its own energy field, was inherited from one's parents, and theirs from their parents and so on. In other words the DNA, which is in every cell of one's body and whose energy field affects and informs the energy field of the entire body is doing so with many generations of historical information embedded in it.In other words, it could be said that one is carrying many generations of trauma, not just one's own family history or life history of trauma. Now because the field interactions ie. interpersonal and intergenerational, that result from any trauma immediately and pervasively affect everyone in the collective energy field then such individuals become negatively affected. This is hypothesized to predispose individuals within a collective field to certain emotional and/or physical illnesses.The interesting point however is that now we have a tool that is able to release negative fragments of trauma i.e. a traumatic memory, anywhere in the collective field and this hypothetically will automatically reverberate throughout the entire collective field, across space and time. This will release the effects of such trauma on anyone who has been, is, or ever will be part of that collective field.The effects should be somewhat similar to what was described in the experience of the individuals in the quoted study.
These include such things as a reclaiming of vital energy within individuals and within the system as a whole. What is also hypothetically possible is an entire restructuring of relational dynamics within the system. This is because the individuals will each shift to a place closer to their true or authentic selves.What does all this mean? Well for one it means a happier and more peaceful family system that is invigorated and connected with positive loving energy rather than negative destructive energy. As I'm sure you can see the implications for the larger systems such as communities or the planet as a whole is staggering.Nick Arrizza M.D. is an Energy Psychiatrist, Healer, Researcher, Speaker, Developer of the powerful Mind Resonance Process(TM), and Author of e-book: "Esteem for the Self: A Manual for Personal Transformation" which is available for download on his web site at: http://www.telecoaching4u.com/ebook.htm Dr. Arrizza holds ongoing International Telephone Healing and Teleconference Sessions on topics relating to Healing and Spirituality.