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6Jul/100

Funniest Pond Stories-Part 1, May 2004-Gardening

Funniest Pond Stories-Part 1, May 2004

Get ready for some gut-wrenching, laugh out loud hilarious pond
stories from all over the world...(Continued from May Issue of PondStuff!)We had some hilarious, truly gut wrenching, laugh out-loud
stories sent in by some of you. Here we're going to highlight
some of the funniest stories for you to read.We had entries from all over the place (Inluding one all the way
from THAILAND!) The competition was fierce, and to be honest - I
had a really hard time deciding on one 'funniest' story, but
here's a brief rundown of our entries: cats, dogs, and bunnies
(?) all taking the Nestea plunge right into the water, a hungry
KOI nibbling in dangerous territory, a missing flip flop, an
electrifying experience for grandma, fun for the whole family,
fish frape, and flying fish to boot!First, let's start with this very funny story about 'Smokey' -
who apparently thinks he can walk on water. This was sent in by
Mike Lachance from Maryland:Funny Pond Story #1"I wish I had a photo to share of this very true story but any
ponder with cats has likely had the same experience at some time
or another. Several years ago, when I was enjoying the second
season of my first pond (I have now built four as I've moved
around), one of our cats, "Smokey", who was a natural hunter in
her prime, saw a mockingbird alight on a lilly pad to get a drink
of water. Well, old "Smokester" slowly crept out from under some
day lillies and made a spectacular jump with all four paws
majestically carrying her like a flying squirrel, right for that
intruding bird.It is not as though she had not already had a couple of
encounters with the water but that day the feathered treat must
have been too much for her to pass up. Well, both my wife and I
were there to see her make a wonderful belly flop into the pond.Of course, the bird was out of the way in plenty of time and I
swear that that cat walked on her toes the five feet it took her
to get out of the water! And of course, after removing herself
from the water, in a very nonchalant manner, proceeded to lift
each leg, shake off the water and as much as say "I meant to do
that, you know".Smokey often spent time at the pond later, using her tail to
attract the fish (she would put it in the water and swish it
around and the fish would come up to explore it. She never did
catch one). She also loved to sit at the waterfall and enjoy the
water moving past her. So that is my funny pond story.=== Funny Pond Story #2"Dear all at McArthur,My funniest pond story is about my late aunt, who introduced me
to the joy of backyard ponds. Donna had a large koi pond in her
backyard that she devoted endless amounts of love and attention
to. As happens with most ponds, spring brought some uninvited
guests...in this case frogs. One evening Donna was working on the
pond, checking the cantankerous pump and filter system, and using
her net to skim out leaves and what not that had blown in.My 80+ plus year old grandmother was supervising the work and
offering her expert opinion on how to proceed. They were amazed
at the number of frogs that had taken up residence, and not too
happy about it. Donna noticed a frog swimming at the far side of
the pond that she wanted to get out...something was not quite
right about the way he was swimming, and she pointed him out to
Grandma. "Mom, look at that frog swimming on his back!" Grandma
was a bit skeptical...frogs doing the back stroke were a
phenomenon that she was unfamiliar with.She advised that this misfit should be removed immediately. Don't
want to give the other little froggies strange ideas. Donna made
several attempts at scooping the miscreant up with her net, but
he was just out of reach. Only one thing left to do. Roll up your
shorts and wade in after him. The answer to Mr. Frogs strange
swimming technique became painfully obvious as soon as Donna
reached his immediate vacinity....a faulty under water light had
shorted and electrocuted him! Donna didn't need her electric
rollers for a few days after that!"Enecia SabroffFunny Pond Story #3"Hello----My husband recently bought a beagle puppy, at this time
he was 8 weeks old. My husband also bought two almost, semi-tame
rabbits to help train the puppy to track rabbits. At this time I
only had one pond that was preformed 550 gallons, my husband put
one of the rabbits out to platy with the puppy, the rabbit was
teasing the puppy, running a little ways then jumping over his
head, then the rabbit decided he didn't want to play anymore so
he started to run from Bear (the puppy), and he dove into the
pond. We were thinking that Bear would go around the pond to
the other side and continue chasing the bunny, but Bear just dove
right in, he was so little though that he had to be rescued from
the small backyard pond. My husband's only response was "he's
going to be a good rabbit dog!" Well, thanks for listening to
my story. Sincerely, Roberta Collins Toledo, OhioFunny Pond Story #4"A story to share...Two years ago I started with the crazy idea of building a small
pond with koi fishes. After a lot of working I finally built it,
and decorated it with all sort of plants. One day... mi female
cat "Manchita" went to the pond to examine this new
construction. She went to the border, jumped on a flat stone and
starter to drink water. To her big surprise one of the fishes ,
possibly thinking that the white nose of my cat was food, jumped
out of the water, trying to eat it.. Can you imagine the
surprise of the cat ? I believe that the fish was also quite
impressed with the experience. My cat almost fell into the pond ,
.. and from then on she never went around the pond again. She
used to watch the pond from my dorm, located in the second floor
and just across the pond. Unfortunately I did not take a picture
of this "accident". I am sending you a pictute of this first
pond; in the meantime I did build another, larger one.
Unfortunately "Manchita" is not around any more, she passed away
a few month ago, from old age.. This story happened in Valdivia,
a city located in the south of Chile. In this country winter is
approaching, with lots of leaves falling from the trees an the
plants in my pond preparing themselves to sleep for a while..."
Maria Fresard==Funny Pond Story #5"I have two ponds. An upper and lower pond. The upper pond is fed
by a waterfall with the source being the lower pond (driven by a
pump). The lower pond is fed by an overflow of the upper pond
that flows underground for about 70 feet (12 in drain pipe). Last
summer I rescued some trout fingerlings from a seasonal stream
going dry near my home. I put them in the lower pond. This spring
I was sitting in my kitchen and could see something flopping on
my water fall. The trout had migrated up the overflow tube and
were trying to swim further upstream via the water falls. No so
funny but does show the strength of nature. Just a few weeks ago,
Egrets found the pond and the fish.There is nothing left to migrate at this time. Not so funny but
does an Egret taste anything like a turkey when cooked?"Tom Gegenheimer==Funny Pond Story #6"We have only had a pond for a short time ... details can be seen
at http://thailand4life.net/smithgarden/The funny story must include the workmen (in Thailand) who took
zero safety precautions when constructing the pond.Watching guys shovelling concrete from a lorry and spreading it
across the bottom of the pond ... when the footwear they had was
just 'flip-flops' resulted in great entertainment .... especially
when. several times, the flip flops came off and were lost in the
cement somewhere (eventually found while they walked around bare
footed) .... pictures athttp://thailand4life.net/smithgarden/images/large/DSC03062.jpg
http://thailand4life.net/smithgarden/images/large/DSC03070.jpg
http://thailand4life.net/smithgarden/images/large/DSC03060.jpgStrangely it was only the guys .... the women laborers all wore
Wellington boots .... maybe this reflects on which of the sexes
is really the most sensible?" Regards, Chris==Funny Pond Story #7"I am building a pond at this time and I was in the process of
building a waterfall in the corner of a fence. The waterfall is
about 3 feet high and 7 feet wide. I thought I was finishing up
the waterfall with some flat rock on the very top. So I
straddeled thewaterfall with my knees on the second ledge and set
the flat rock on top. When I did this the whole waterfall fell
down because I build it on blocks and not a pile of dirt.When it fell one big rock caught my foot and I slide down the
fall and fell backwards into the pond going all the way under and
had a couple of big rocks come down on me. Meanwhile my wife is
laughing her butt of at me and I asked her to help me out she
slipped on the flat wet rock that surounded the ponds edge and
half way fell in with me.Now my two boys were playing in the yard they are 5 and 3 and saw
this happen to us and they thought it was time to got swimming so
guess who jumped into the pond with us, the boys. Nothing like
having the whole family in on the pond. We laughed for awhile but
then I had to rebuild the whole waterfall again and this time I
put the top rocks on from the side."Robert H Coppa Jr.==Funny Pond Story #8I decided 300 gallons would be perfect. I did all the math and
spent a great deal of time working with more experienced
ponders. Somehow when it was all said and done my little 300
gallon pond ended up being 810 gallons and come to find out it
was yet another one of my mathematical errors. Guess I should
have paid more attention in that college level math class
required for my Associates, right.We got the pond all up and running but because of the
miscalculation we now needed a bigger pump to feed the waterfall
so I went to our local water garden supplier and asked which one
to get. Budget was a concern so it was recommended that we got a

5Jul/100

Ask for More – You May Get More

Ask for More - You May Get More

If you are involved with sales, how do you feel when you hear phrases such as, "Can you do anything about your price?" or, "You'll have to do better than that." and variations on these? Does a cloud or two cross the sun? You start to think, "here we go again?.." ? yet, have you prepared for this situation?As a purchaser, do you push suppliers on price alone? OK, it is a fair tactic when so many sellers will give in, but does it lead to long-term gain? What other ways could you get a better deal for your organisation? Maybe extended credit terms or volume rebates?Whichever side you are on, what difference could 2% make to your company? Just to get another 2% on a selling price ? and/or 2% less on your purchases? How much extra profit will this produce?Developing your ability to negotiate more firmly and flexibly is not a contradiction in terms, it can be the foundation for increasing business success and also improving relationships. The simple definition of negotiation is: "To work or talk (with others) to achieve a transaction, settlement, an agreement. (from Latin negotiari ? do business with)"Typically, there are four options for the outcome of a negotiation ? and the desired one is the "win-win" unless you are just going for a one-off deal and you may want to opt for the "I win ? you lose" choice, although that is not really necessary!We can all improve ourselves as negotiators by following a few simple steps and treating situations as more than just a bargaining joust. It will also help your cause if you consider situations as something to be resolved and not as a battle to be won! As with many things in life, the key to success is in the planning and preparation. This will impact your confidence, and behaviour, when with the other party. The more prepared you are, the greater the chance of you achieving the deal you want.One of the first things to consider in your planning stage is "the balance of power". Imagine a set of scales ? and list the pressures or drivers each side faces:I wonder what you find? Many similarities? When you recognise that both sides might be facing similar pressures you can take heart! Another way to use this is to assess what drivers the other party is facing, and you can do to reduce the ones on your side to increase the "leverage" you have.To help you with planning and handling negotiations you may find it useful to work through the "AIMING HIGH" process.AIMING HIGHA ssess: Consider situation, balance of power, leverage. What is going to be needed for a win/win outcome. What is the previous experience with this contact? How much do you need the deal ? how much do they need it? What might be the barriers? What have you to offer that is unique?I nterests: What are your needs, wants and desires? What are theirs? Think about their interests ? put yourself in their shoes ? what do they need ? what are their drivers (business and personal)?M ake time: Planning and preparation is key ? create time for it. Do not be rushed ? do not negotiate under (or "un") prepared. Also, make time for the actual meetings ? time pressure can be a problem in a negotiation ? the party feeling under most pressure will often make the biggest moves.I nnovate: Remember, it is not just "their" problem ? if a genuine negotiation is to take place it is a joint one! Think about ? then rethink ? "the pie" and how it can be shaped and cut. Look got different ways of approaching the situation.N eeds: What are their key needs ? and wants ? and objectives? What are yours? Check back that your ideas can satisfy these ? for both parties.G enerate options: Put your package together ? consider all the tradable items ? those you want and those you can give. The more options the better. Whether the buyer or the seller, think about the package in terms of more than price.H uman factors: Even when being at your most objective and professional ? the negotiation is still usually between two (or more) people. Your interpersonal skills count for a great deal: ? how well you can assess the others; what they want and are doing; your skills in gaining rapport and getting them to talk; good listening ? and questioning. Also, handling tough situations and managing the dynamics of the meetings is key.I ntegrity: Do not get caught up in game playing. Good negotiations will normally be taking place in the context of (or at the start of) an on-going business relationship and partnership. It does not matter what others may do ? operate with integrity and be true to yourself and your values. You will get more good quality deals in the long run.G et before you give: Trade well ? ask for what you want BEFORE you give!H appy endings! Aim for win/win ? and if you cannot get that leave the door open for another time!If you follow this process you will be well-equipped to negotiate effectively. You will be more confident and successful if you make time to work at developing the package you are offering and, at the same time think about what you want from the other party. Think about the things you can build into your package that you can use to "trade" with. (Called variables or currency or other terms to suit!) What might be the things the other party has which they would be happy to "trade" or move on? The key to this, is to choose things which are of low cost to you, but valuable to the other party ? and vice versa. Remember, in a negotiation, everything has a value, no matter how insignificant it might seem at the time!As part of this, plan your "best deal", ie the ideal solution for you, and your "worst deal", ie the lowest position you will take. It is important that you are clear about this ? and know when to walk away! Within your best deal, include as many variables as possible so that you have things to trade with other than price. Think about what you will be willing to give, and more importantly, what you want to get in return!The actual approach to the meeting can be improved if you follow the principles of "Triangle Talk" from Kare Anderson's book "Getting What You Want". Be clear about what you want, what they want and then keep your proposal tuned towards what they can accept.When you are through the "proposing" stage and in what many think is the actual negotiation or bargaining stage, it is important to remember a simple phrase and it is all about "get" then "give". "If you??..then I will??..". Think about the impact of the opposite order, "If I??then will you??.?" What will an experienced negotiator do in response to that?To help yourself with negotiations, practise! Look for opportunities in low-key situations and test out ways of getting a deal. Before going to meet that important client or major supplier, as part of your preparation make some time to go over your plan, your package and the options, and then how the other party might act. Practice using the "get-give" trading phrase ? and anticipate potential problems. You will be pleasantly surprised by the results you get.Graham Yemm a founding partner of Solutions 4 Training Ltd. During his years as a consultant he has worked with a variety of major companies in the U.K., Europe, USA, the Middle East and Russia in Sales, People and Management Skills. He has had many years of experience tailoring programmes to address organisational issues around sales, account management, negotiations, sales management and customer service ? especially focusing on the communication and personal skills aspects.Graham is a Master Practitioner of NLP and was involved with setting up and running "The Business Group", which promotes uses of NLP in organisations. He is an accredited trainer for the LAB profile programme ? "Words that Change Minds". His personal enjoyment comes from helping individuals to take more responsibility for their own actions? freeing them to feel they can make more choices about their lives. Contact, http://solutions4training.com/ or +1483 480656

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17Jun/100

Three E-zine Alternatives You May Not Have Considered – Ezine-Publishing

Three E-zine Alternatives You May Not Have Considered

During the free e-zine publishing teleclasses I offer every month, I always get a few people who say to me, "You know, publishing an e-zine sounds great, but I just don't think I have the time to do it on an ongoing basis." Or, "I'm not sure if I'll have enough content to publish an e-zine."If this is your case, you may want to consider one of these e-zine alternatives. These can still help you achieve your goal of establishing credibility, staying in touch with your prospects, and capturing your Web site visitors.For the first two alternatives, you'll need an e-mail autoresponder. This is like a fax-on-demand system that sends out e-mails automatically when others request them.The great thing about autoresponders is that you can preset the timing of a series ahead of time. For example, you can schedule message 1 to go out immediately once a person signs up for the list. Message 2 could follow two weeks later. Message 3 would follow two weeks after that. Get the idea?ALTERNATIVE 1: THE "EVERGREEN" NEWSLETTERIf you don't foresee yourself writing fresh new content every week or month that you publish, why not make your newsletter "evergreen?"This means that you write all your content ahead of time, and none of it can be time-sensitive. That is, it should be just as relevant today as it would be a year from now.Evergreen e-zines are brilliant and easy to do. Here's how it works: Suppose you want to publish a short tip every two weeks. That means you'd have to write 26 issues for a year. Once you had this content written, you'd just set up the messages on your autoresponder and tell it when you want them sent out. (For this example, it would be day 1, day 14, day 28, etc. - each reader would get a message every two weeks.)Internet marketing expert James Maduk does this. He offers an evergreen e-zine called "52 Secrets My Mom Never Told Me About Internet Marketing." When you sign up, you get one secret a week, which adds up to a whole year. Very effective! (You can see what I mean and sign up at www.JamesMaduk.com. I signed up about 10 weeks ago, so I'm on secret 10. But if you sign up today, you'll start on secret 1. (See how easy this is?)ALTERNATIVE 2: THE MINI E-MAIL COURSE OR REPORTThese are very popular right now. You simply create several e-mails' worth of content to spread out over a certain amount of days, and set them up on your autoresponder.Many sites offer 7-day courses or reports, and quite frankly, many of them are awful. So here's a chance for YOU to stand out. Make sure yours offers really useful or interesting content that's more helpful than salesy.For example, say you're a small business coach. You could offer a course called "5 Ways Hiring a Coach Will Make This Your Most PROFITABLE Year Ever!" Just sit down and list the 5 ways, then write a few paragraphs of copy under each.Then write one final sales message that you'll add on to the end of the series as the 6th message. This should be a friendly invitation encouraging the reader to call you for a consultation, buy your book, sign up for your workshop, etc.Paste all the messages into an autoresponder series, set the timing to what you want (e.g. every day or every few days), and voila -- you've got an e-mail course!ALTERNATIVE 3: PROMOTIONS ONLYIf you offer products on your site that don't lend themselves well to creating related content, just offer what you've got!Give your visitors the chance to receive special offers that will save them money at your site. The trick to high sign-up rates is to make them feel as if they'll be part of an exclusive group. Use words like "special, exclusive, limited, VIP, first looks, discounts, savings, club, and members-only."For example, one site that I frequent sells discounted designer clothes. During my last visit, they invited me to sign up for "discounts, exclusive offers, and first looks." I jumped at the opportunity!Don't underestimate your visitors' interest - many of them WILL sign up for e-mail offers if you politely extend the invitation and make them feel special.Just make sure not to overdo your messages to this crowd. Keep your blasts to a maximum of once a week. Otherwise your readers will get irritated and may unsubscribe.(c) 2003 Alexandria K. BrownABOUT THE AUTHORAlexandria K. Brown, "The E-zine Queen," is author of the award-winning manual, "Boost Business With Your Own E-zine." To learn more about her book and sign up for more FREE tips like these, visit her site at http://EzineQueenTutorial.com/