The Power of the Negative – Goal-Setting
The Power of the Negative
The vast majority of us learn very early on that we are expected to deal with facts. In and of itself this might not be such a terrible thing. The trouble starts when we combine with this the idea that we also learn very early on where these facts come from. Typically we are not learning that facts come from testing hypotheses and finding evidence for a piece of information, but rather that facts are synonymous with statements. As we have learned that facts are true, when we are provided with a statement that is held up as a statement of fact, we tend not to question it. Obviously there are times when taking this approach to dealing with the world is hugely advantageous."The stove is hot""It's raining"Provided with these statements and taking them to be facts our understanding of the world, at an emotional and cognitive level, adapts appropriately and we can tailor our behaviour to deal with the implications of these facts, for example, "stay away from the stove", "get a coat".Such statements don't need to be questioned. This of course doesn't mean that they can't be, but for practical purposes taking them at face value is unlikely to cause any of us anxiety or distress. If one were to take a Gibsonian view of these statements (which admittedly is a little odd as Gibson's theories were concerned with visual perception) we might say that these facts "afford" a clear understanding of their meaning and implications. We are not bound by those implications, just as one is not bound by affordances in visual perception, but they provide opportunities and information for decision making in the widest sense, including thinking, feeling and behaving. Crucially, such statements are neutral, they are not laden with values and this might explain why we tend not to question them. However, the situation is not so simple. If we consider statements that are value laden there still is a tendency to treat them like they afford clear understanding of their meanings, and we don't question them even though there may be a broader set of possibilities behind them.Let's consider some positive statements."You're performance today was brilliant""You have a nice way of dealing with people"Would you be prepared to take these statements, perhaps feel a little embarrassed, but take them as statement of fact and not question them? Probably. But what exactly do they mean? What makes up a brilliant performance, and how does knowing that help you hone your skills, adapt your emotions, thinking and behaviour? Equally, what constitutes a nice way of dealing with people? Knowing what "nice" consisted of, when regarding dealing with people, you could gauge your performance and use this knowledge of your attributes in other situations. We don't tend to question the positives, but naively accept them, and in doing so we don't really learn anything from them.Objectively this is pure laziness, but if we explore this issue a little more deeply we can understand why this laziness makes a certain amount of sense. Think about the effort that would be involved in trying to tease apart the deeper meaning of what someone is trying to communicate with these positives. How would someone react if you asked in return, "What exactly do you mean when you say nice?" How would you react if someone asked you that after you had complimented them? It feels a little strange. Just like when we ask a casual acquaintance, "How are you doing?" we don't expect to hear anything other than, "Not too bad", we expect that a compliment should be enough. You look good; you did well, great goal, what else is there that you need to know?Social convention dictates that positive information stops there, and this means that other than being a sense of comfort, reassurance and fostering good relations, it isn't particularly functional. That isn't to say that it isn't pleasant and enjoyable, and can have strong motivational influences, but what do you learn?Now let's get a little paranoid - how much do you trust compliments and positive statements? 100%? Do you completely and absolutely take everything positive said to you without a tiny pinch of salt? Does your critical voice ever speak up and place nagging doubts in your mind, either about the speaker, or about how their opinion might be different if they knew you better? Let's pretend that there are sometimes doubts. So, positives are not particularly informative, you can't really learn from them and you can't be entirely sure that they are 100% truthful. As far as personal growth goes perhaps they are not quite the bargain the might be. Feel good, yes, and that is powerful, but their power is coming from someone else. You haven't increased your power from them, your personal understanding of your talents, skills, biases, weaknesses etc. Someone else is in a position of power to convey these blessings upon you, and as we've begun to suspect, they may not be 24 carat gold.If neutral statements aren't going to help us in our quest for personal growth and understanding, and positive statements aren't, the only thing left would be the negative statements.How could negative statements help us develop, after all, the negative statements that we are so good at keeping in our heads, that running commentary that intervenes and deflates us, probably couldn't be considered to be a source of vital information that leads to our self-growth? That's true. But it is through what we can learn from the negative reactions of others - the things they say, the way they respond, - that we can start to challenge the voices in our minds, and the voices outside.If you know what it is that you are doing wrong, you can change it if you decide to do so. The great thing is that people are only too happy to let you know what it is that you are doing wrong. Probably the only thing people like better than talking about themselves is telling other people what's wrong with them. Remember that you aren't obliged to change to satisfy anyone, but if you want or need to develop in a certain area of your life, then knowing where you are now, and how that isn't as good as required, and knowing the specifics of where you are going wrong, it's almost like you have been given a map of how to develop. Now that's a map worth having, and you're getting it for free. Whilst someone else might feel that they are getting to vent at you, you can collect useful information and use that to build up an understanding of what is expected, and develop strategies to get there.Who is it that is benefiting, the person criticising, or the person criticised?http://www.hypnotherapies.co.uk
A Negative Experience an Opportunity? – Positive-Attitude
A Negative Experience an Opportunity?
Early in my career a position became available which I thought I was entitled to. I had the experience and a good performance record. Much to my dismay it was given to an individual with a university degree. Someone it turned out, I then had to train. At the time it seemed so unfair to me.I could have taken the attitude I had failed. However, I didn't allow this to be a failure. I refused to be beaten. It would have been easier for me to give up, or become bitter towards the company. However, I was determined I would succeed, and this was only a temporary detour. I needed my job and didn't have the money to obtain a university degree, but I had determination and optimism. The company I worked for would pay for courses to attain a professional designation. I enrolled, and over the course of 9 years, (and two children) attained my professional designation.I kept my positive attitude and turned a negative experience into an opportunity.Many times over my career I thought back to that experience and realized the lesson it taught me was one of the best lessons I learned.To quote Aldous Huxley:"Experience is not what happens to a man. It is what a man does with what happens to him."Catherine Pulsifer is one of the editors of Words of Wisdom 4 U, http://www.wow4u.com - A collection of motivational and inspirational thoughts, stories, quotes and poems!
Negative Thoughts to Positive Thoughts – Positive-Attitude
Negative Thoughts to Positive Thoughts
Changing Negative Thoughts into Positive Thoughts is a key lesson to becoming healthy and successful.PINT. How did you do on beginning your day with one of our key thought words? If you missed a day, don't worry, just pick up and continue each day. You'll see a pattern forming and your mental conditioning will get better and better over time.Now for another daily helper. Even when we start out with a positive mental frame of mind and respond with a positive word, I'll bet you have negative thoughts about all kind of stuff all day long. You think about how "she didn't get her work done" and how "it isn't fair when you get all yours done and no one seems to notice". Or you get all bothered about the guy that parked in the space next to you so it is hard for you to get into your car at the end of the day. Or even more importantly, you think you can't ever get up and deliver that monthly progress report in front of the entire department, you are sure you are going to make a fool of yourself.All these and a hundred other little nagging negative thoughts about yourself and others. I've got a news flash for you. All those negative thoughts stem from part of our mental design. To some extent, you can't help thinking negatively. It is part of the old primitive man protection mechanism. When you are out in the wild suspicion is a good thing. Until you know how something is going to react your suspicions could and do keep your attention focused and in turn raise your chances of staying alive.In today's world we don't face bears, lions or even rabid dogs very often, but the suspicious, negative bent of our mind is still working just fine. The results are all those negative thoughts about the people around us and the self-doubt most of us have. But you can change your mental thought patterns.The principle of PINT says that if you think it it will happen, eventually. So if you think about how you are going to look foolish making that departmental report, guess what..... you probably will. Turn it around. tell yourself you will do just fine, in fact you are going to be a hit after you make that report. You see most of your brain is not conscious of your world, just what you feed it. If you feed negative thoughts, then your mind will build a world of suspicion, defeat and even hate. To change that you have to "Hang Out the paNTs."What do I mean by this? It's pretty simple. Just hang out all those Negative Thoughts. Once you get them out into the open you see how ugly they are and you won't want to keep them around. Even better turn them around from negative to positive.Fear of a Foolish presentation => Becomes: a Fantastic presentationPeeved at Crooked parking => Becomes: "They're probably having a terrible day. "Unfair working conditions => Becomes: Focus on my work, not others. Set my own higher standards and watch me succeedIndignant anger for hose People! Who do they think they are? => Becomes: "I wonder why they feel that way. I should find out more about them."Ok, now you have the picture. When you turn the negative into a positive, you will get an immediate positive physical feedback. Your brain gives you a reward of 'feel good juice' or endorphins. When you do this long enough your mind gets hooked on the 'feel good juice' and wants more and more positive feelings. You see there is a reward for being good. You will start feeling better. Some of your aches and pains may even start to recede.Miracles - They are still aroundIf you think this is going to be easy....what do you think? You have spent years building up patterns of negative thoughts and negative behaviour patterns. It is going to take a while to get rid of them. About 25 to 40 days to see any real change. Discouraging? I don't think so. Twenty-five fleeting days to begin to change all those YEARS of bad feeling into positive healthy feeling? I call that a miracle!Now there are two catches to this one.(1) I want you to write down everytime you have a negative thought about something. Carry around one of those little spiral note pads that can fit in a pocket or purse. Don't forget a pen or pencil. Write down everytime you catch yourself having or saying a negative thought.(2) Do this for thirty (30) days in a row. If you skip one, then start counting again. I can hear you screaming at me or whining all the way across the internet. Yep, I know it's hard, but the payoff is so huge. A month or so of discipline is a very small price to pay.You say "Andrew, I just don't think I can do this." I'm here to tell you that you can. I did this a while back and had to start over three times. I kept up with it. Now I have a clearer mind, more focus and a better outlook on life. I even get those icky things done more easily and put off far fewer things that need to be done. You can do it, Just Get Started!When you have finished 'Hanging out the paNTs' for thirty days, drop me a line and let me know how it went. I always like to hear from others who complete this practice. I know you will struggle with it at first, but when you complete the 30 days you will look back and wonder how you ever lived before.I guarantee it.Now....Let's Get Started!Andrew AbernathyFounder, Put It iN Thought (PINT)About The Author