Why You Want What You Cant Have – Positive-Attitude
Why You Want What You Cant Have
"You can't always get what you want . . ." The Rolling Stones will soon be singing this refrain at venues around the world, as they embark on a year-long concert tour in August.This song, now decades old, addresses a universal truth. Here's the rest of the refrain:You can't always get what you want . . .
But if you try sometimes
You just might find
You get what you need.What is it that you really wanted and didn't get? The affections of a person who was with someone else? That dream job? The last cinnamon-raisin bagel snapped up by the customer in front of you?These scenarios range from trivial to potentially life-changing, but they all have one thing in common:WHEN YOU DON'T GET WHAT YOU WANT, YOU WANT IT EVEN MORE.Here are three reasons why this is so:1. Heightened attention: When something is hard to get (or forbidden) you immediately pay more attention to it. Notice that when you are on a restricted diet, you sometimes get too focused on what you "can't" eat. This heightened attention -- which can escalate into obsession -- makes the forbidden food seem very important. Your inner brat takes advantage of this, and tries to convince you that you MUST have that chocolate.2. Perceived scarcity: When something is scarce or in short supply, its perceived value increases. You want it more because you think other people also want it. If you've ever bid at auctions or on eBay, you know the experience of that last-minute excitement as you watch the bids spiral upward. The more people who bid, the more you're willing to pay for the item. Your inner brat wants it at any price.3. "Psychological Reactance": People don't like to be told they can't have or can't do something. It's related to not wanting to be controlled by others, especially if the situation feels unfair or arbitrary. The "reactance" is both emotional and behavioral.The emotional part is your inner brat saying, "Oh yeah? I can't have what I want? Just try and stop me!"The behavioral component is what you do about it, which usually involves some type of rebellious reaction. You see this with teenagers whose parents have forbidden them to date certain people. Reactance also explains why a "Wet Paint" sign invites unwanted fingerprints on the newly painted surface.Next time you don't get what you want, ask yourself whether one of the above factors has influenced your desire. If so, let go of the pursuit. Your inner brat won't be happy, but ultimately (in the words of the Rolling Stones,) you "might just find [that] you get what you need."Pauline Wallin, Ph.D. is a psychologist in Camp Hill, PA, and author of "Taming Your Inner Brat: A Guide for Transforming Self-defeating Behavior" (Wildcat Canyon Press, 2004)Visit http://www.innerbrat.com for more information, and subscribe to her free, monthly Inner Brat Newsletter.
What Posting Articles Online Did For My Google Page Rank In 90 Days – Writing-Articles
What Posting Articles Online Did For My Google Page Rank In 90 Days
Article Marketing Builds Momentum and TrafficWhen I started submitting articles to ezines and directories
I was happy just to get an occasional article written and
widely posted online. I assumed that was the point. But I've
since learned about equally important considerations--like
the Page Rank of the site where it appears.Each article was written to inform and appeal to the human
readers. Search engines were incidental in my mind. I wasn't
systematic about submitting new ones on a regular basis so
they built momentum. Nor was I careful to emphasize my
website's keywords and principal theme. But I do now--it
matters. Despite that, the articles already posted have been
hard at work for me.My list of places for submitting keeps expanding. And it's
further refined with every article posted. After a year and
a half, that's a large list (nearly a thousand). And I'm a
known quantity with sites and ezines that consistently post
my contributions. My best-received article to date shows 181
Google mentions (with their related incoming links).Starting from Zero Online VisibilityI launched a new website mid-June, 2004, using article
marketing as the primary traffic-building strategy (Yellow
Page Sage, getting your Yellow Page ad and website working
together). The first article was a strong one, getting 135
Google cites.Over the next three months I wrote and posted seven articles
related to Yellow Pages or Local Search. The website also
provided extensive information about Yellow Page advertising
by other authors--making it very sticky and content-rich.Creating an Article 12-packAfter they were submitted to my list, I combined those seven
articles with five of my prior marketing articles - twelve
in all (with a link to each article). Instead of offering
them as onesees, I now send the whole batch (letting the
receiver pick what they want).I prepared a letter offering the 12-pack, asking if they want
to receive similar future ones. That letter is only sent to
websites I've visited. I'd never offer it to a site unless
there's a good fit. Sending out the 12-pack is an ongoing
activity, and another way to expand my list. Some websites
have posted the whole set - twelve return links from one
letter!Surprise! Google Noticed me!Since I was busy getting the site polished and launched, it
caught me by surprise that in two months my Google Page Rank
was 3/10 (the first time I checked). And the following month
it had climbed to PR 4/10 - without doing anything but post
seven articles. I didn't yet realize it was getting extra
mileage because of the strength of my list. So moving to PR
5/10 can't be too far off, can it?Then I started paying serious attention to Page Rank--the
posting site's AND mine. Page Rank shows the extra
importance that Google gives to the number and popularity of
websites linking to yours. Links from higher Page Rank pages
elevate your Page Rank.Two Things I didn't Know When I Started Posting ArticlesFirst - I posted my articles to get website traffic and
incoming links (via the Sig at the end of each article). I
treated every article appearance as equivalent. But Google
doesn't. All those articles appearing in high-Page-Rank
directories were giving an extra boost to my score.So I've re-assessed my list. Websites with higher Page Rank
are now my "A List." Articles that they publish are doing my
Page Rank way more good than other places. Of course, I
still need to post widely and pursue both types of links.Second - I didn't realize that the "Page Rank of a website"
doesn't exist. Every page on a site has its own Page Rank.
(Although there are ways to make every page on the website
share the same Page Rank, it's not widely done.) So a home
page with PR 7/10 that links to mine from a PR 3/10 interior
page only provides a PR 3/10 link. That awareness influences
who and how I link with other websites anymore. And it
dictates the way I organize external links on my own
websites.Get a Free a Page Rank ToolTo assess other sites, you need a Page Rank tool. You can
compare multiple sites athttp://www.phplivesupport.com/google_pagerank.phpLilengine.com provides a free Page Rank Tool. Use theirs, or
you can post it on your own website.http://www.lilengine.com/tools/pagerank-tool.phpArticles Give your Ideas a High Profile all Over the
InternetThe benefits of article marketing are well documented. And
if it can build your Page Rank as well, it's even a better
use of your time. Start writing and posting articles that
show your expertise. And start getting the traffic and
attention you'd been wishing for.--Dr. Lynella Grant http://www.promotewitharticles.com Use posted articles to build your business Expert in the "body language of printed materials" Author, The Business Card Book and Yellow Page Smarts grant@promotewitharticles.com (719) 395-9450
Positive Self Talk – What Should You Say? – Positive-Attitude
Positive Self Talk - What Should You Say?
How do you explain things to yourself? With positive self talk or negative? What we say to ourselves radically affects the quality of our lives, and our ability to do things effectively. How useful is it to always tell yourself "impossible," "more problems," "never," and "I can't?"Below are some of the things that positive and negative people say. Look at the difference, and start talking to yourself in constructive ways, if you don't already.Negative Self TalkWhen negative people explain bad things, they internalize them ("It's me again."), consider them permanent ("It's always this way."), and generalize ("Life sucks."). When they explain good things, they externalize them ("That's just lucky."), consider them temporary ("That went well TODAY."), and see them only in a specific context ("At least THIS went right.")."I screwed up again.""This good weather won't last.""It's ALWAYS a mess when I meet someone new.""This party is great, not like mine.""This is fun for now.""Well, THAT went okay, I guess."Positive Self TalkWhen positive people explain bad things, they externalize them ("The weather caused it."), consider them temporary ("That was a rough couple hours."), and see them as isolated ("THAT part of the plan didn't work, but..."). When they explain good things, they internalize them ("Life is great!"), consider them to be more or less permanent changes ("Now I know how to do this."), and generalize from them ("Things are working out well.")."That just went bad due to the weather.""It was rough for an hour or two.""The car broke down, but the trip was fun.""I've done well with this.""This has become a great business to be in.""I like the way things are going."Explain things to yourself differently, and you'll see a difference in your attitude today. Make positive self talk your normal mode of operation, and you'll see a difference in your life.Steve Gillman writes on many topics including brainpower, weight loss, meditation, habits of mind, creative problem solving, generating luck and anything related to self improvement. Learn more and get FREE e-courses at http://www.SelfImprovementNow.com